A different perspective on reaching goal weight.

28F, 1.52m, 70kg > 49kg. (BMI of ~21, TDEE of ~1300)

I'm sharing my story because, while it's not a horror story, it can be a bit of a cautionary tale. I'm far from having an ED and this is not a story about EDs, but I speak of things that might be triggering so consider this an ED trigger warning.

Now, currently I'm a kg under goal weight because I'm not coping well with the quarantine. I might edit in an image of me wearing my "before" shorts so you get an idea, but the nature of my story doesn't really call for progress pics. Other than that last kg though, I got here in a pretty standard way too, like all the success stories you've read. Lost weight at a rate normally considered healthy of 2-3kg a month. Never ate under 1200 (which was a 400cal deficit for me at the time of starting.) All in all, I felt I was in control and doing this as I should.

The thing is, I forgot to account for the fact that I'm pretty short. And I was starting with a BMI of 30 to begin with, so I was obese but only barely so. I went from 70 to 52kg in under six months. That was 25-30% of my entire body mass gone within that period. When I put it like that... yeah.

Now, the benefits of weight loss are undeniable! No more acid reflux, no more snoring, my boob-induced back pain is gone (and I can wear low-cut tees without showing cleavage!), I get plenty of positive attention, could find my size in stores, the discipline and skills I gained are something that will stay with me forever, I have a healthier relationship with food, I'm more flexible, I have more stamina, my knees no longer bother me... so yes, losing was obviously the right choice.

But damn. My body was not happy with wasting away so rapidly. It felt like it was in shock. Side effects included:

• My hair fell out in chunks. I never got bald spots, but my hair was evidently thinning. I thought it might be college-related stress, or my hair was too long, or I was missing some key nutrient... might have been it, but the more I looked into it, it seemed to be a common side effect for rapid weight loss as it is.
• I was fatigued. At a deficit, your body is continuously running on low-to-empty. I indulged on cheat days, and tried to eat at TDEE at least once a week... I still felt more tired than usual. I needed to sleep at least 12 hours a day to feel rested.
• This one might just be sending me to the doctor even in these times. My tailbone lost its padding quickly and it seems I've been sitting wrong for a while. My (home) office chair, as it turns out, has become a hard surface with the years and Coronavirus will not let me replace it. And my tailbone hurts, a lot. Even if I sit on cushions or soft surfaces, it's excruciating. Especially now that this quarantine has me sitting around a lot...
• I may be suffering from some good ol' body dysmorphia. I tried my before shorts this week, and when I first looked at them, my brain was sure I'd fit in them perfectly. I don't really see anything in a mirror. I know there's a change, I feel there's a change, but I'm still not happy with what I see in the mirror and I want to keep losing... except I'm not really seeing myself in the mirror. I'm seeing the version of myself that was 21kg heavier. I think that the fast change was something my brain was unable to adjust to, and until I feel like I see myself properly, I won't make any more decisions over my body.

I slowed down once I noticed these negative effects. My hair is doing better and I'm no longer exhausted all the time (the other two will take a while.) I lost the last few kg slowly since November, and currently trying to maintain. The quarantine hit me in the opposite way it seems to hit everyone - I get lost in videogames and series and forget to eat, and I hate cooking with a passion. I don't keep snacks at home, so I don't turn to them, and eating properly has become a chore. But I owe it to my body, especially after the strain I put it through. I'm doing my best, I promise.

I'm skinny now, for sure, but it came at a price. So my journey of self-improvement is far from over. I've got a lot to learn about how to properly treat my body. So if I could change anything of what I did... actually, I'd change two things.

1. I'd obviously slow down. In the end, it doesn't matter when I reached my goal... if it was November, or February, or June, who cares. It's hard to remember this, because progress can feel so slow! We all want quick results and thinking of the time it will take to get there feels like an uphill climb. And I swear I felt I was doing this slowly, but when I look back, it blows my mind how quickly it all happened. I feel plenty of compassion for my strained body, with the things I've put it through...
2. I'd go to the doctor. The "up to 4kg a month" figure is one I've seen mentioned even by health professionals, but it would have taken another to tell me that it wouldn't work for me specifically. So this is another word of advice that gets thrown around here a lot, but can't be stressed enough: TALK TO A DOCTOR. Do this with the proper guidance, and think twice before trusting the web alone. Otherwise you can damage your body in ways you didn't even think possible.

Please keep this story in mind when you feel that it's taking forever. You can do this "the right way" and still be wrong, so stay on top of things. You'll get there. Be patient. Get help. And more importantly, be kind to yourself. By being overweight, we've already been unkind to our bodies... we don't need to be even harsher now.

Happy losing!

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