Hey, everyone! Hope you all are safe and healthy at home and are dealing well with your journey during lockdown!
I just wanted to share my story here because I'm... I'm just desperate now and maybe some of you can help me to deal with this. And I'm sorry for language mistakes, I'm Russian.
So, my journey started in 2014, when I gained weight (about 15 kg (~33 lbs), I'm 161 sm girl (~5'3")) due to anxiety caused my final exams at school, applying and moving to university, etc. And since then I feel like I've been constantly struggling with it. I know it doesn't sound much, but for me it was a lot. I always was a skinny girl during my childhood, and all my family is fit. So I was one of these magical "naturally skinny people", and was surrounded by the same ones. It was my blessing and my curse, because as I had never had to watch my food or activity I had no knowledge on how to get myself back to my regular condition.
I was never morbidly obese or fat, I was just chubby, but I got bullied a lot even for that during my freshman year. Thankfully, during sophomore year I was lucky enough to change environment around me and found a lot of great friends, but it didn't change my weight struggles. I can bet I've tried all known diets and weight loss supplements, but I was stuck in yo-yo dieting for years. I would get to ~57 kg (~126 lbs) at best once a year, gain back to ~68 kg (~150 lbs) and start over. Over and over again. Sport, dieting, IF, CICO, keto, vegan, I've been everywhere.
And in November 2019 I went to another country to study for one semester. And I decided to try again. I always did. I did only CICO from November till middle of February, I had no time for sport due to studying. But it worked. Your diet really is 90% of success. I came back to Russia 10 kg lighter (~22 lbs) and 3 kg away from my dream, goal weight. I haven't been in this weight since summer 2014.
All my friends were so proud of me, I was proud. I was finally comfortable in my own body. For the first time in 5 long years.
And then me and my mum went to a vacation for 3 weeks. And pandemic happened. We weren't sure if we would be able to get home, but we did. And when I weighted myself I saw +6 kg (~13 lbs). It was shocking but I was confident. I was going to get back on track. As you say "two steps forward, one step back" is still progress. Yes, it is. But I'm tired. Just tired of this.
We've been on quarantine for one month now, and all I do is exercising and binging. I have no progress since the beginning. Honestly, I think I've gained more.
I'm just tired. I'm tired of constant losing and gaining. I feel like there is no point. I'm trying to get motivated during the day, but then something happens and I'm binging.
I live with my mum now due to quarantine, and she is struggling with gaining weight. So we always have something that I don't want to eat, but I'm binging on. And she just buys and feeds me more, while knowing, that I'm trying to lose. Honestly, I've lost hope.
I know, there are a lot of people who would be happy to start their journey from my weight. I know, that I just need 3-4 months of CICO and sport and I'll be done.
But I just can't. I'm lost.
Thank you for reading. I'm writing this and crying. Thank you for the opportunity to share.
Maybe you've been in the same situation? Where do you find power to start over again and keep going?
Stay healthy, stay safe, stay strong, everyone. I believe in all of you!
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