I started trying to lose weight for the, what felt like, millionth time on January 12, 2020. I made a previous post talking about how I hadn’t told anyone except for a very small group that would know by default. And three months in I still haven’t. It helps that I haven’t been able to see many people as of late. I’ve lost 36.2 lbs as of Sunday, April 12th and I am happy with my progress. It’s the first time losing weight where I still feel motivated and I don’t feel deprived or like I’m missing out all the time. This is the most I’ve lost in any attempt I’ve ever had, and I want it to keep going.
I am sticking with my low carb, high protein diet. I watch my sodium levels, I log everything. I weigh and measure everything, no matter how inconsequential I might think it is. I make sure my meals have at least three servings of vegetables as sides or mixed somewhere in there. I drink a lot of water. I look at this sub and others like it a lot. I have a check list of small goals I keep on my phone and cross off once I get there. And I only weigh once a week. That last one isn’t really a weight loss factor but more of a mental thing for me. I feel like daily weighing is great for some people, but seeing small fluctuations day-to-day would drive me crazy.
That said, on to the NSV. I haven’t been able to see my weight loss much on my own body. I can see it in the face and I can tell I take up less space in some areas like my car and desk chair, but I can’t see it when I look in a mirror. I think it’s because I live in this body and see it every day, and also because I am large and have a lot to lose. It will just take longer.
But I was cleaning out my closet and reorganizing it a few days ago when I decided to try on some of the clothes I’ve been clinging to for years. Those “I’ve grown out of it but I’m going to get back into it” or “I bought this and it’s too small but one day” clothes that I’ve had since college, probably. Amongst the group are two pairs of jeans. I stopped wearing jeans around 2 1/2 to 3 years ago once I grew out of Lane Bryant jeans. Even if I could get them buttoned, it was excruciating and not at all flattering. Definitely a case of “just because they close doesn’t mean they fit.”
I tried on a few of the shirts and some of them fit and looked nice! Some of them technically went on my body but will not see the light of day yet. Some I still have to work toward. But it gave me the motivation to try on the jeans. And they both worked. Comfortably. And they aren’t even the largest Lane Bryant size! I’m wearing a pair at work right now.
I have to say, after years of wearing stretchy pants or jeggings, it feels weird to be wearing actual denim. But it feels like progress and it feels like proof. Even though I can’t see the weight loss, I can see this. It makes me want to keep going. And since I’m not sharing my weight loss with anyone else, I wanted to share it with you kind, anonymous internet strangers.
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