Sorry this post is more of a rant and just a way to express myself a little. I’ve never really posted about my journey other than replying to some comments here and there, but I’m a long time lurker and these subs have helped keep me motivated!
I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, the first time I tried to lose I was 8 years old going to weight watchers with my mom. I’ve done WW 3 times, a year of keto and IF supervised with a doctor (lost 8 pounds), and other fads that lasted 3-5 months before I got discouraged. At 18 I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and spent the next 5 years on and off prednisone, which caused me to be in a continuous cycle of gaining/losing the same 15 pounds.
I’m down over 50 pounds from my heaviest (7 years ago) and in the last 2 years am down 40 which I’m extremely proud of, especially since entering the 130s for the first time in 15 years. I’ve only started to really see and feel the difference in the last 10-15 pounds.
I’m working so hard through quarantine to continue losing weight. Averaging 20000 steps a day, added in yoga/weight training every other day and maintaining 1200 cal/day- though more days than usual I’m finding it hard to keep to 1200, but I still never go over 1450. I’m used to the fact that I average a loss of 2-3lbs a month which has been hard and slow. I know I can’t stop working at this even if my weight loss slows down because I’m happier with how I look than I’ve ever been and gaining back would destroy the confidence I’ve built recently.
I guess I just needed a place to vent- most of the time I try and keep my family motivated, my parents are both obese and have struggled with weight their entire lives as well. I see the relationship they have with food and it’s one of my greatest fears I end up having that for the rest of my life. They ask if I’m tired of calorie counting and I try to look at it as just being part of my life now, but the truth is some days I am just tired of it, and tired of feeling like I’m working so hard. I think about food and calories from the minute I wake up, and until I go to bed and I’m constantly telling myself not to snack and bargaining what I can/can’t eat, and it can be really exhausting. I’m trying not to make food based rewards anymore (no celebrating with a bowl of ice cream or going for a burger and fries), I didn’t even want to celebrate my birthday by going for dinner. I’m really happy for people who started January 2020 and have lost 20-30 pounds (aka people working hard and seeing quick encouraging results) but it also makes me feel defeated- like I’ve been fighting for this my whole life and even now the struggle continues daily and the progress is so slow.
Anyone have some word of wisdom? People who have made it to their goals? Anyone experiencing similar things?
Sorry this was so long- thanks to anyone that read to the end!
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