It's been maybe a month and a half since I last stepped on the scale at around 160 kgs (~350lbs). It was also the last time I was at the gym which is the only place with a scale that can weigh me (my scale at home can't). I had somehow gained 5kgs from the last time I checked. I know my diet has been trash with a lot of eating out, but didn't realize the damage was so bad.
What made me think about that was meeting with some old friends whom I haven't seen in about a year. They commented on how I haven't really progressed with losing weight and that I've gotten wider. I knew it was bad, but not this bad.
Last year in the spring, I was finally signed up to the new gym that opened near my house. I was cooking for myself almost daily. I was finally getting into the groove to finally lose this weight. Then when the pandemic hit and I slowly started to see my friends less and less, I spent less time going outside because "why bother?" I only really got to see one friend with whom I started going to the gym with.
That quickly ended when my frequent depressive episodes made it harder for us to sync up gym times. Now we hang out, but a lot of that hang out time is around getting food together. I've eaten out at least 28 of the last 30 days. It's gotten to the point where I'm doubting my ability to eat healthy when I do make my own food. I also want to continue hanging out with my friend cause being alone all the time has been a killer for my mental health, but I can't keep up this eating out habit of ours.
It feels like I'm the only person in this whole country who has to deal with being so big. There's no one else who can understand the struggle. The only person is my friend and we just make it worse by eating like pigs all the time. I want to change, but I can't handle losing out on my last friend in this increasingly lonely place. I know I don't have much time left before I return to my home country (and the atrocious food culture I grew up with that led me to this position), but I feel like it's already too late to make a change.
I'm honestly at a loss of what to do.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3kIIe53
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