How to get back on track? Rant

Hi guys,

I am and always have been an extremely big and tall person. Since like junior year of HS I've been in the 400s. In March-ish, I really did make the decision to finally stop letting myself get bigger and I ordered a scale, I was always afraid to see my weight, and tools to measure food and began weight lifting. I absolutely loved it. Weight lifting brought me so much joy and eating lots of protein and getting stronger definitely made me a happier person. It even got to the point where I legitimately stopped thinking the way I did before about food, or I though so. During those months, I ended up losing around 50Ibs.

Fast forward to the summer, I was living in an off-campus apartment and using my school's gym to stay on my journey. Working out at least 3 times a week, eating in a deficit, drinking a ton of water. Crazy part was, it felt fun and I was passionate about it. However, I was planning on living on-campus this school year, so I moved back home for the period in between my lease running out and move-in day for dorms (about a month). I kept up with the gym a little thanks to my brother and ate semi-healthily but no where near as good as I was doing.

When I moved out, I was ready to get back on track and lift again. However, since school is now in session, the gym is packed and I have to wake up super early to go, and I do not have the motivation to continue eating healthy. It has been over a month back in school and I'm depressed that I fell off so hard. I binge a ton and one day ate a whole 24-pack of granola bars in like a day.

I don't have the money or time really for therapy, I don't know what to do. I have no idea where this feeling comes from, what makes me want to eat, but I hate it. I love weight lifting but I'm stuck. I feel like as soon as the weight loss stopped being so drastic, I gave up slowly. I not only want to be fit, I want to eat better and I want to go through the hard work, but I feel lost.

I just needed to rant.

submitted by /u/NeighborhoodEvery
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