I know this is a temporary feeling but I just wanted to share.
I'm in my late 20s and most of my friends have settled down. We used to see each other 4/5 times a week but now it's down to once every 2 weeks or so which makes sense, we are growing up. As a teenager I was slim and considered attractive but I never really wanted a relationship, I was always more interested in spending time with my friends. I guess I was a late bloomer? I never really became interested in guys until I reached my 20s.
In my mid 20s I gained a lot of weight... a huge amount. I went from 130 to 250 at 5'4. Ironically, this is when I first started longing for a companionship outside of my friends. In fact, dating was one of the major reasons why I started losing weight. I felt so uncomfortable in my body at 250 that I would have never dated, I was way too self conscious.
I met someone when I got down to 190, I liked him but he wouldn't commit to me. He is super athletic, goes to the gym 4 times a week and hikes every weekend. I kinda understood but it was hard to deal with. We ended up falling out and haven't spoke in months. I tried to date again but a similar situation happened, they like spending time with me but I'm just not someone they want to take things further thing. I understand physical attraction is important, I rather date someone at a healthy weight. I think another major issue is my confidence though, I would flinch when guys touched me and would always mention my weight, almost like I had to justify it which just made things awkward as hell. I also tolerated a LOT of crap from guys because of my lack of confidence.
I decided to stop dating until I feel confident and I'm down to a healthy weight. I need to remove the weight related anxiety. Every date I went on I was consumed with the idea they would not like me because of my body. I know it is nerve wrecking anyway but it would be nice to eliminate that one fear and worry about the normal stuff like if it will be awkward or not.
I'm at 160 now and I decided I will start dating once I reach 140, though 125-130 is my goal. I have really got back on track but it is a lonely process in itself. Losing weight at 160 is much harder than what it was at 250. I have to go to the gym and meal prep everyday. My life is wake up, work, home briefly, gym, sleep. I almost feel like my life is revolving around weight loss. I don't have much else going on outside of it at the moment and I'm okay with that for now. It's difficult but I have decided to dedicate myself to it for the next few months, it will be worth it to get the 20lbs off. I don't mind slowing things down after that and taking my time to get to 125. I am aiming for a 1.5-2lb week loss which means I will be at my goal for the summer.
No pain, no gain!
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