I've NFSW'd this post as a make-shift trigger warning so if that's not allowed sorry.
Like I'm sure a lot of LoseIt's members, my weight loss journey has been alongside my mental health journey. For me personally this is mostly to do with OCD.
As of two and a half years ago I was in reasonably good mental health and had lost 40bs to put me at 130lbs from starting at 170lbs. It took give or take eight months. I was so proud of myself. Then the next year along I had a massive mental breakdown due to my OCD. After that it was a continous spiral of misery and weight gain, a constant cycle. The more depressed and paranoid the OCD made me the more I ate. I was a comfort eater before but it became my main hobby.
Then, to top it off after gaining back about 20lbs over a 9 month period, I moved away from home for a job and became even worse mentally. It was a mistake and I regret it completely, as I gained another 30lbs in six months. IN SIX MONTHS! I mean... Fuck. I'm now give or take 185lbs. 15lbs heavier than when I originally started in 2017.
I've gone through this once before. I know exactly what I need to do. Eat a certain amount of calories a day, do more regular exercise, remember that mistakes can be made it's a marathon not a race etc.
I'm having a lot of trouble starting again. I'm starting therapy again very soon. I think I'm addicted to food in general, but sugar especially. There hasn't been a single day for months where I haven't fallen for cravings. I feel totally weak to them no matter what. Even after a nice, nutritious meal if I have the chance I will scoff down some chocolate biscuits or order a pizza. Even when I'm not hungry!
I just don't know what to do about this.
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