Hi all,
I've been a lurker on this sub for a few years now, but never really posted anything because my IRL friends know my reddit account and actually like to look at my post history from time to time. One time two years ago, a friend saw I commented on an r/loseit post and they called me out for it and made fun of me for it, so from that instance I really didn't like to or had the urge to post or comment here. But, I've decided f*ck it, I'm my own person and I'm pushing myself to not care about what they say. This is going to be a very long post, so please be prepared. This is basically going to be my life story and how I became 'fat'. I just wanted to get everything off my chest on this subreddit and have it out there. I doubt people will read this or see it, but I just wanted to post it.
I'm a 19 M, in my sophomore year of college, attending a 4 year public state university. I live in apartments rather than university housing, so I cook my own food (but honestly in my case, I just eat out).
I was never really 'obese' as a kid. I did taekwondo actively until the 6th grade and had to stop because I fractured both of my ankles during it. I was skinny until that point, but slowly and surely I started to gain weight. In highschool, my freshman year I was 5'3" but weighed 150 pounds (I was a stout little chubby kid, but not 'overly' fat). I had just started becoming 'overweight', but I never really realized it until the end of my freshman year. I didn't realize, but over the course of that school year I gained 35 pounds, meaning I was 185 lbs at 5'4" ish at the beginning of the summer. My mom took note of this and harshly reprimanded me for it, and bought me a gym membership. However, since I was only 14 years old, I couldn't go to the gym by myself so my mother went with me and made me do all of her workouts. She limited what I ate, and made sure I went to the gym 6 times a week as a 14 year old. Every day I walked, biked, and swam. Sure enough, by the end of that summer going into my sophomore year of high school I weighed 155. I also gained two inches in height, meaning I was 5'6" at 155, so relatively skinnier than I was in the year before.
However, what I realized and what affected me from that summer is that it made me hate going to the gym. My mom forced me to go to the gym 6 times a week for multiple hours. Note that I was a 14 year old kid. Most 14 year olds probably enjoy their summers playing outside, going on vacation and having fun. I was stuck almost every day for hours in the gym, constantly being reminded that I was fat. It wasn't an enjoyable experience, and I dreaded going to the gym, and I began to hate the gym. I never wanted to go again, and the thought of the pain/discomfort that going to the gym brought me that summer always dissuaded any potential thoughts of me going to the gym.
(brief intermission, once again I'm so sorry for the long post. I just wanted to put out everything that has been on my mind and what my journey has been like until now. if you don't want to read it, feel free not to and skip to the end!)
So, going into my sophomore year of high school I was back down to 155 lbs and 5'6". It was at this point that I began to start my growth spurt in height and finally hit puberty. However, I'm not sure if this is a related cause or not, but I also gained a lot of weight with my height. (Not just from getting taller, but fatter as well). Before I knew it, I was 5'8" at the end of my sophomore year, but already 180 lbs again. I know I did gain some weight from pure height and puberty, but I did get fatter.
Fast forward to January 2017, second semester of my Junior year of high school. January 27th, I remember the date exactly. That was the first day that I stepped on my scale and I topped 200 lbs. I had never before hit the 200s, and it honestly came as a shock to me. I had always told myself, "Whenever I hit 200, that'll be when I make the change." My friends all made fun of me for it, and I swore to myself that I'd lose weight and eat less. However, as you'll notice as a reoccurring theme throughout my life, I'm all talk and no bite. I always have some sort of existential crisis revolving around my weight, I say and talk like I'm going to change, but I never do.
Over the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I picked up a part time job with my friend working at a local hotdog shop. This would prove to be a huge part in my rapid weight gain. I began the summer at 200 lbs. The bad part about this job was that the owners did not care how much food we ate on our shift: everything they had, was ours to eat for free. Shakes, triple cheese burgers, bratwursts, all for free. As a high school kid, this was a dream come true. By the end of the summer when I quit the job, I was 240. I gained 40 lbs over that summer. But I didn't really 'feel' it. It didn't hit me, and I never felt the motivation to change my habits.
Over my senior year of high school, I gained another 10 lbs, and ended up graduating at my heaviest of 250. Even at this point, I never thought I was 'that' fat. I was 5'11" and 250 lbs.
(another short intermission guys, we're getting so close to the present, just bear with me! if you're actually reading through this boring book of a reddit post, thank you so much!)
In the transitioning summer between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college, I gained another 20 lbs. I started my freshman year of college at 270. And somehow I still didn't think I was 'that' fat. But, I did feel an urge to lose weight as I wanted the 'new college, new me' sort of vibe. For the first two months, I hit the gym a few times and I lost like 15 lbs. I was 255, and felt like I did something. But, that sense of accomplishment was short lived. I stopped going to the gym by the time Thanksgiving and the holidays came around, and the pounds started coming back. By the end of my freshman year, I was 288. The weight kept coming on, and I didn't care. I was 6'2" by the end of my freshman year of college and 288.
At the end of the school year, an older friend of mine made a bet with me. If I lost 20 lbs by the start of the next school year, he'd give me 100$. I didn't need to give him anything if I didn't hit it. I agreed. What better motivator than money, right?
During that summer, I hit the 300s for the first time in my life.
I made a bet to lose 20 lbs, but instead, I ended up starting my sophomore year of college at my all time heaviest at 305 lbs and gained 20 lbs instead. When I told this to the friend I made the bet with, he just laughed at me and said the only reason he made that bet with me was because he knew I couldn't do it. That really struck me deep. It made me realize that there were people in my life that were noticing my increasing weight, and they thought I couldn't get out of it. I was just "that fat guy" to others. I had honestly never realized that until this point. I pledged myself to lose weight. Again. I told myself that because I hit this 300 lb threshold, I would finally be motivated to lose weight.
At the end of September 2019, I weighed 314 pounds. My heaviest ever. My BMI said that I was morbidly obese. Whenever I had previously heard the words 'morbidly obese', I always thought of those people on television shows that needed help getting out of bed and eating 5 big macs per meal. I never realized that I would also be labeled as morbidly obese. It was always something out of reach to me, something that I would never get to. But it happened.
(Okay guys, last intermission. We're basically at the present now, and this is the part of my life that really jump-started me to make this post here!)
In the beginning of October 2019, I began to develop feelings for a certain girl in my life. I had known of her since my freshman year, but we never talked. It was only this year that we met through our church and began to talk and rapidly became close friends.
This was also the time where I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, something that I had been trying to get done since my high school years. I always asked my mother to take me to see a doctor about it to possibly get diagnosed, as I suspected that I had it, but she never allowed me to and always chalked it up to my own lack of self control. I was prescribed medication for my ADHD, and it seemed like my life was finally on its way back up. The medication helped me with my failing studies, and helped me actually care about studying. It gave me the capacity to learn material, and honestly changed my life for the better. I began to better organize my time, and started to focus on becoming healthier as a side 'goal' in my life. The medication I was prescribed was also known to have the side effect of limiting appetite, which I definitely felt. I no longer felt the need to be snacking every hour, and eat gargantuan meals late at night.
On top of this, because of the new found feelings I had towards my friend, I realized that I wanted to better myself physically and health wise to become a person in which she could perhaps one day find interest in. I always thought that that girls could never like me because of my weight, and I was hoping to lose weight in hopes that she would like me. But I had a long way to go.
I focused on limiting the calories I had in my days. I realized that I was eating disgustingly large and fatty meals late at night (2-3 AM) right before I went to bed. Not only was this bad for me physically/health wise, but it was also a huge intake of calories. I heard of the idea of 'intermittent fasting', so I gave it a try. I set the hours of 12pm-8pm in the day where I could eat. I never ate breakfast, so eating before 12 pm wasn't ever a problem, but limiting my eating to 8 pm meant that I could no longer binge on those late night meals like I always did in the school year.
And, that's pretty much what I did. I started walking more instead of taking my university's buses, and I ate less. I didn't hit the gym, (or if I did it'd be extremely infrequently) and I didn't have some sort of magical diet plan. I ate a meal a day on average.
At the beginning of November, about a month after I started liking this girl, she confronted me and told me that she also had feelings for me. I was honestly so shocked when I heard her say it, and I was completely elated. At this time, I was around 296. (18 lbs lost in the month). However, due to our religious backgrounds, we wanted to take time before getting into a committed relationship. At the end of the month, we decided to commit to each other, and entered a relationship. She has honestly been the most supportive and loving girlfriend, and I would do anything for her. She's amazing. She loves me the way I am, and lets me know that I should be losing weight not for her, but for myself and my own satisfaction.
Now, it is mid February 2020 (almost valentines!), and I got on the scale which displayed back to me '287.4'.
This has been the lowest I've weighed all year, and I've finally dipped below what I weighed at the end of the last school year.
In total, that means I've lost 27 pounds over the course of time between October and now. I had a bit of a rough time over holiday season, and gained 10 lbs, but as soon as I got back onto my University campus, I lost it within the first two/three weeks. Now, I'm the lowest I've been in the last year, and I have no plans on stopping. Also, my BMI is no longer morbidly obese!
I know I have a looooong way to go before I can start celebrating, and I know 27 lbs is basically nothing compared to all these success stories on this subreddit, but I just wanted to share this story with you guys. Ideally, my goal is to reach 233 lbs. This is when my BMI technically breaks 'obese' into 'overweight'.
I plan on implementing the gym into my life now, and hope that this will also help the weight loss journey! All I hope is that I keep this motivation and yearning to lose weight, as I've never felt like it before and I would hate to fall back into my old habits.
Once again guys, I'm so so sorry for this long post, but honestly it just feels great to type it all out. I sincerely doubt anyone is going to read all the way through, but simply writing it felt great to me.
Thanks!
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