Sunday, February 9, 2020

Why can’t I keep with it? Cycle of disappointment.

I’m 30 years old and since the age of 12 I have been Chunky, Big boned, overweight, shaped liked a bowling pin. F.A.T Fat. Over the last 10 or so years I have on and off had mini realizations and have amassed a lot of knowledge about working out and losing weight. I have had personal trainers and gym memberships at 3 or 4 different places. I work 55-60 hours a week and have been very focused on my career over the course of the last 10 years I have pushed my self to be better at work developed my skills to be a better leader and drive results in my profession. I’m on the verge of a promotion and am very happy professionally where I am. I also have an amazing girlfriend who supports everything I do and challenges me to do what makes me happy and I love her. But I’ve always battled with my under Demon when it comes to my body. I would always peak at 260 then focus on weight loss and get down to about 225. One venture I was down to 212 with the heavy focus of getting under 200lbs as my goal. I went from 212 and blasted back up to 273 then smacked myself and focused for a few more months only to yo-yo over the last 10 years. Every time is going to be the time I do it and make it last. Everytime is better then the last until it isn’t. I can cook, I can workout, I can stop playing video games that consume my life such as Warcraft and play less time consuming ones. I can listen to podcasts and watch YouTube videos but what I can’t do is control myself. It’s like a switch is flipped and I go from ultra caring and tracking my calories/weight to not caring overnight. I spiral and eat my stress and emotions. I have yet to find a way to consistently keep myself in check. I enjoy snowboarding and am about to go on a trip to slide down them slopes and have some fun! I’m not where I want to be physically and I definitely feel the effects on my body. I want to be healthy and able to do the things I want to the best of my ability. However I can’t figure out how to not fall off the wagon. I fail myself every time.

I’m currently 5’9” 287lbs the heaviest I have ever been. And I feel like it snuck up on me because I was in a video game,work stressed, emotional eating haze.

This stops today.

I can’t continue to yo yo like this. I have to prove to myself that I can maintain a healthy body but do the things I enjoy. I have to be under 200lbs for myself.

Any tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated. I believe this is the first time I’ve legitimately posted on this sub.

Please share your success stories and how you’ve overcome this type of situation. I’d really like to know.

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