Hi, so I currently weigh 190lbs. I stepped on the scale today after a very long time of not doing so, and I was taken back at how much weight I have gained over the last almost 2 years. So how did i get here? Well, basically, starting in late 2017/early 2018, I wanted to lose weight, and at the time, I was about 180lbs - maybe in the 170s. I started losing weight, but didn't really know what I was doing that much. I figured that the average person burns 2,000 calories per day, and 3,500 calories = 1# of fat, so I could do some simple math to make sure that I was losing 2lbs every week (that was the target). I did this for about 6 months or so, and by the end, I weighed about 130lbs.
The problem was, I was not at all smart about my 2lbs per week target. I failed to consider that each day, depending on how active you are and other factors, the amount of calories you burn generally varies. I was pretty upset any weeks that I couldn't lose 2lbs, and would try to make up for it in the following week. I exercised very little and this meant that I was barely eating to maintain my weight loss. I ignored advise that I read about not going below 1,200 or 1,500 calories (I remember seeing different numbers, I forgot which one it was) and I did it anyways. By the end of my diet, everything seemed all good, and I thought I would never gain weight again and that I was done, so I quit tracking my food and started eating what I wanted, and in moderation at first.
Over time, I ended up starting to eat more and more, and after finishing my diet, I was so happy to finally be able to eat normally again and I would occasionally splurge thinking that it was a good reward for losing weight (oh the irony). I went on this cruise not long after my diet, and it had unlimited free food, and I remember eating tones of food each day. Eventually though, these splurges became my regular meals. Once that summer was over, I started working at a McDonald's and this lead to me eating McDonald's 5 days per week, which is already a bad diet even if it's in moderation. This compounded with the amount of hours I was working; I worked 40 hours each week (sometimes more to get overtime), while going to school, which put a lot of stress on me, even more after I became a manager and took on way more responsibility. This lead to me eating more and more. From the money I got working at McDonald's, I bought even more fast food when I wasn't working, and I started eating ridiculous amounts. This went on and snowballed, getting worse and worse, until recently. I ate fast food at least 5 days per week for 18 months, and the amounts I was eating kept getting larger. I went on leave from work back in early March because I was planning on taking a break until summer, and I had perfect timing with everything being cancelled until summer because of Coronavirus, so I was left with lots of free time. I kept eating fast food until yesterday. Yesterday, I went to taco bell and bought 12 items off the menu and a large soda, and ate all of it in the parking lot in my car. While I was eating, I realized how ridiculous the amount of food I have been eating was. This lead to me checking my weight and becoming concerned about my health again, and today, I have managed to eat normal portions all day. I'm glad that I didn't allow myself to go above 200lbs. My regular diet has consisted of fast food, entire pots of shell macaroni as a single meal, several hotpockets, or like 50 pizza rolls, as well as lots and lots of soda with every meal.
I never had that big of an issue with eating tones of food before I initially lost weight, so my takeaway is that my method of weight loss last time really messed with my relationship to food. I don't know what changed about my mentality and why it took so long for me to suddenly get a wake up call, but my weight loss before was damaging nonetheless. This time around, I plan on eating 1,500 calories per day with regular exercise, but my first order of business before I even want to lose weight is to just practice portion control and eating a normal amount of food each meal. I'm going to spend this entire week eating normal amounts of food, and cutting junk food and sugar down gradually. I think it'll be beneficial for me to ease into it and slowly change my mentality/lifestyle to eat healthier and in normal amounts rather than just going on another crash diet and gaining all of my weight back again.
The reason I wrote this was because it gives me something to use to hold myself accountable, and just a way to put my thoughts down. I remember how much holding myself accountable during my first weight loss adventure helped me, but I want to be very careful this time and rather than just looking at the numbers, I want to change my lifestyle and eat healthier food, in moderation by default. I'm genuinely scared of what I have been doing to myself with my awful habits over the last 2 years or so. I hope that anyone reading this can maybe learn from my experience, and if anyone has any advise for me or has gone through the same thing, i'd like to hear it. Thanks.
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