Hi!!!! Okay so this post is honestly going to be long winded, I’m really sure how to use reddit lol so I’ll just put out my whole weight loss journey and my history with obesity and overeating.
I am a woman, 19, 5’2, Highest weight is 279lb, starting weight was 269lb, my lowest weight was 229, my current weight is 235lb. I’m 5lb down from my re-start weight from two weeks ago so yay!!
I have been fat since I was a baby, every person in my family is fat except for a few family members who have lost their weight and are in a normal BMI or a few pounds overweight. Unhealthy eating habits are instilled into our lifestyles as it’s normal in my family to make up with food, eat while we watch TV, eat first thing in the morning, eat before you go to sleep, etc. I grew up thinking this was normal, so I didn’t think anything of it so I still didn’t understand why I was fat all my life & just accepted that being fat was just how I was born to be like everyone else in my family.
I was obese all my childhood & in 5th grade I found out about eating disorders in school, and sadly envied those people who could be so thin while I always felt so huge, because I was not only fat but always the tallest in my class during that time. By the time I got to middle school, I was already 200+ at 4’11 and I felt terrible about myself, I’d never received any romantic attention, I had very few friends, and going into my emo phase....needless to say I was lonely and isolated at best. that really plummeted my mental health at the time and I ended up finding pro-anorexia & bulimia forums, tumblrs & instagram when that became popular. I ended up falling into a pattern of fasting, extreme calorie restriction (only 800-300 calories a day) and overall an unhealthy obsession with losing weight due to the fact that I hated myself felt I needed to be punished for being fat/ugly, etc. It was a very hard time for me, but it only became harder when I started to binge and purge, which almost killed me (if you are purging please don’t do it in the shower lol) All of this and I only ever got down to 215.
I slowly stopped binging, restricting, purging, abusing laxatives, etc. I never received help because I knew my mom couldn’t afford it and I was embarrassed that I was doing these things & scared of what she would think of me. I never told anyone this to this day except for a few people. I ballooned over the next year or two, up to my HW which was 279. Staying the summers with my grandparents who are 300+ & 400+lb and kept sodas, juice & junk food in the house constantly did not make it easy for me not to gain weight.
The fall of my junior year was when I randomly decided to get serious about my weight again and did low carb & moderate exercise, but I’d started using diet pills to make it fall off faster 3 months in after becoming obsessed with weight loss again. But I already lost about 20lb from my official starting weight in MFP at 269lb prior to starting them. I worked out everyday because I’d recently gotten a dog who needs lots of exercise. I started intermittent fasting with 16/8 and then moving on to fasting became obsessive for me too. In 6 months, I lost 50 lb from my highest weight and 40lb from my starting weight, so I was 229 and I could see a difference but i still felt that I was so fat and could never be normal. I also lost my period for 2 of those 5 months, which scared me because I knew what I was doing was counterintuitive to the health journey it started as. I started binging, stop counting calories, stopped weighing myself and gave up toward the end of my senior year, which was last year.
I recently have picked up where I left off and only gained +12 (I was 241lb 2weeks ago, now down to 235, I assume it’s water weight) in almost 2 years, it’s not good that I gained any, but when I started my weight loss journey and wanted to be healthy, I picked up good habits and have been working on getting my mental health to where it needs to be during. I started beauty school, graduating online in 2 weeks & going to university in the fall (assuming the world doesn’t end before then lol). I want to be healthy & normal, I want to fit in. I want to be able to walk at the same pace as my friend group without being out of breath and behind. I want to be able to walk to class without getting sweaty and out of breath. I want to be seen as a person & not invisible. I want to experience life as a normal person, not a physically and mentally ill obese person. I want to be genuinely healthy and happy.
TL;DR don’t give up on yourself & don’t give up on your health journey, if you fall off, you’re not a failure and a big part of me being able to start my weight loss journey again is to treat this not as a punishment for being fat but as a learning and healing experience. I want to be healthy and strong inside and out, so I believe everything I’ve been through has been to teach me & I’m still learning everyday <3
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