I will never have the body I want.

21F 5'9 sw240 lw160 cw190 full time student

Long time lurker first time poster. Made this acct so I could post here. Please don't yell at me if formatting is wrong I'm on mobile etc and so on.

At the end of my senior year of high school, I looked at my graduation pictures and said wow. I look /fat/ maybe I should do something about that. Naturally, I forgot all about it until a while later, halfway through my first year at community college when I found the YouTube fitness community. It was then that I buckled down and said ok, now you know how to do it. Calories in, calories out. Stop snacking so much and work out more. And I did it. I ate less and picked up ice skating and yoga. I ended up getting to my goal weight in 1 and a half years. However, at the end of it I looked at myself and I saw that this wasn't what I wanted to look like. I'm very broad and curvy and I'll likely always have large breasts, some stomach and thick thighs. And, I know some people will want to shake me for this but I want to be petite. Maybe 5'3 with a lean build and softer features. I just remember hitting my goal weight and looking in the mirror and thing that this was all for nothing. I still look like I did 70 lbs ago. (Yeah, dysmorphia is a dick) Soon after that I moved to my 4 year university, away from my sister who is my everything, my rock. I started comfort eating again. I knew no one, all I had was food and my cat. Accepting the fact that I have a different body type was hard, and I can't really say how I did it other that a lot of introspection. I feel like managing my expectations this time around is how I'm going to keep it off. I'm not setting a goal weight or goal size or anything like that because I feel like that disappointed me so much last time. I started calorie counting again around 2 weeks ago, but not really weighing myself (I need to buy a new scale. I left my old one at home and my sister is using it.) But I have higher hopes for this time around. Last time with the weight loss it was very much I'll loose the weight and go back to normal. Now I know that that's how you get fat again. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Edit: I apparently don't know my own age

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