I don't know if this will sound demoralizing to some, but what the fuck, this weight loss journey has been nothing but agonizing.
I'm currently at 106Kg (233lbs) after being 117Kg (257lbs) and yes, I'm happy that I'm making progress but that's pretty much all I'm happy about.
I love food, I'm a big eater, I like to try a lot of new food. I have a group of friends where we go out every week to new restaurants and order the best and most delicious meals they have. We eat, a lot, and drink a lot too.
Time goes by, and all of a sudden, I'm starting to look like a freaking wrecking ball. I'm growing freaking sideways and that ain't correct, no sir. To not mention, that I had been feeling awful for the past few months.
So I started thinking that I gotta slim down and start burning some of this belly. So I do my (bad, very bad) research: diets, exercise, fasting,and a lot of other stuff and I'm like...very overwhelmed with all the info, so I stick to the basics: Eat less, exercise more.
This is the moment I start regretting eating like food is going to disappear if I don't eat it in the moment. Let me tell you, I feel constantly hungry and this has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. I hate feeling hungry. In the first weeks, being home and being hungry was a no-no. I have ton of crap food that I shouldn't eat and sometimes I felt like I was a crazy person walking around the house, going to the kitchen, open the fridge and nope the fuck outta there. Only to repeat it after a while. So no, time to leave. If I have free time, let's no stay at home.
I think, since I'm going out, maybe begin the exercise part. Sure, why not. GOOD HEAVENS, WHY? Look now, I wasn't totally sedentary, but I wasn't the guy that would go out for morning/evening walks. So I go for a 45 minute run and by the end of it, my body found out a new level of exhaustion it had never experienced. I was out of breath, hands on my knees, feeling extremely bad, sweating bullets. Then I look at my watch, AND I ONLY RAN FOR 5 MINUTES. This just can't be.
I'm always hungry, my body feels like has been run over by a god damn train after I "exercise". It's painful, it's miserable. There has to be another way. Well shit, there isn't.
So, after long long long, very long couple of months (because time looks like it's in slow motion when you trying to lose weight), I start seeing some changes. Especially in my pants. Now hold on tiger, I'm talking about waist and thigh size. I also start fitting in some L shirts I had laying around that I couldn't use anymore.
I start thinking that maybe it's worth the pain, no? Well, my mind it telling me yes, but my body, my body is telling "what the fuck are you doing to me, why does it hurt all the time????". Anyway, I gladly don't listen to that temporary blob of fat and keep at it. (I had a lot of breaks when it came to exercising. I had weeks where my legs and arms just couldn't handle it and I had to take a break because it got to the point where I couldn't even drive properly. When I wasn't exercising, I would usually go to the beach and have long but slow walks along the coast).
Yesterday, I stepped on the scale, and I've lost 11Kg (24lbs). Not gonna lie, I looked like a god damn baby smiling at myself. I'm happy, really happy. This shit is working. I look back these past few months, and I see hell, it's a nightmare...a ongoing nightmare that won't end anytime soon. But, I really can't wake up from this nightmare until achieve what I want. I'll keep exploring this god damn nightmare until I get to the good part because getting to that good part and waking up will make me a new and improved man. It hurts, my muscles ache, and I'm gonna be honest, I fucking cry a lot of pain, I want to move my god man body, but it won't budge. It has gotten better, I'm getting used to it and painful muscles are becoming sore muscles, it's more discomfort than pain, but it still sucks ass.
Bottom line is, if I ever knew this was going to be this hard, I would have had a lot more care for what I eat and the portions I eat. It never really occurred to me the problems eating an uncontrolled amount of food would cause, both physically and mentally. I have people telling me that the struggle will never end and after I achieve my goal, maintenance will be just as hard. I don't know that yet, but after going through all this, if I ever achieve my goal and I believe I will, I will never, ever, go back to being this overweight. I believe this nightmare will end and once it ends, I'll fucking close the book, burn it, and wipe the ashes away.
If you're reading this (first I thank you for keeping up with me, I know this got kinda long) and if you feel like you're starting to get to a weight you don't feel comfortable anymore, stop now and start working on losing that weight, because the more weight you get, the harder and painful it becomes. It's a god awful sensation and you're going to regret not paying attention to it when you should have.
Thanks!
PS: I'm new to this sub, and when I get to 100Kg, I'll post progress pictures!
PS2: I'm sorry for swearing a lot and sorry for any grammar mistakes, English is not my native tongue.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2PVRrqA
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