Monday, August 23, 2021

feeling hopeless

i’m exercising every day, reducing my calories (1200-1500), but it never feels like it’ll be enough.

i’m 24lb, 5’5”, 155lb.

i was told today by a relative that id probably never get back to my previous weight (20F, 125lb) because of my age (24F, 155lb).

for the past year, it’s just felt like i just don’t know what more i can do.

i hate exercising now. i’m just so weak and tired when i do it. it feels totally useless. i know if you feel weak then it means you’re overdoing it. ok then, if i’m overdoing it, then why am i not losing anything at the very least? and aren’t you supposed to challenge yourself? if i stop exercising when i’m tired, i’ll only exercise for 5 mins.

ok then, cardio and hiit isn’t working out so much, let me add body weight training as well. muscles help with weight loss. nope, haven’t lost a pound.

it all feels like such a waste of time, now. weighing food, measuring it, counting every calorie. why? it feels like no matter how little or how much i eat, the fat on my body is stubbornly stagnant.

i have so little appetite now because i just hate eating now. when i eat, it feels pointless. i feel like, “ok, this is healthy and within my calorie range, but it means nothing, because i can’t lose weight anyways.”

nothing matters because it feels like everything i eat will cause me to gain or maintain, even if i ate a celery stick.

i hate being overweight so much. i hate that my stomach sticks out in everything, that my thighs rub together, looking even MORE heavy in photos, looking like a balloon when i smile. i’m trying so hard and i’ve literally achieved nothing

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