Saturday, August 7, 2021

Have you ever had to take a step back in order to heal a relationship with food? I feel torn between taking it slow and being healthy vs rushing the journey so I can be perfect.

I have PCOS. I feel like weight loss with the added on health concern feels much more stressful cause I know you can eat anything and lose weight at a deficient but when you’re prediabetic, your periods are absent and you have thinning hair and high cholesterol — that’s not necessarily the best route.

I weigh myself daily and I get upset when there’s a fluctuation but I also obsess over food every single day. The internet has become so overwhelming. It was much easier to lose weight when I was 13 and I was told, “Move more, eat less”, I didn’t track a calorie at all (I was eating less) and I was exercising 5 days a week for an hour or longer.

Now it feels so hard to get back to that point as I’m 23 now and back then I had my dad but this journey is now my own.

I rush through my plate. I struggle to trust my body. I don’t want to eat poorly anymore nor rely on take out to sustain me. I feel so hungry and powerless all of the time and I feel like screaming.

I hope to take it day by day but I’m just here venting…. I’m all over the place and I just feel so weak.

Truth be told I’m in a rush to lose weight to start my life because I always felt too ugly or too fat to be loved as I am, to experience intimacy or life in general. I’ve never been kissed.

Im here as a means for help. Im in therapy and we have discussed this but it’s not been helping. Some things take time I suppose

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