I've been depressed lately -- hard to get out of bed, hard to socialize, hard hard hard. I'm also down 22 pounds since May (SW: 217, CW: 195, GW: 140) ~ weird, because usually when my mental health is trash, so is what I'm putting in my body, but I've actually committed to lifestyle changes for the first time ever. So much is out of my control right now and I'm pretty pandemic- and climate-anxious and just down as hell, so eating healthy, tracking calories, and getting in some form of exercise daily all feel so manageable in comparison. I can do those! Maybe those are the only things I can do right now!
Since May I've been gradually upping my exercise: walking, running, a little strength training at the gym, dance workout videos, yoga videos. For the first time in my life, exercise feels untethered from weight loss -- finally internalized that I don't need to exercise to lose weight, but I love feeling myself grow stronger. Things I never thought I could do several months ago (5k runs!) are routine now and so much easier than they used to be. So when a couple plans got cancelled earlier this week because vaccinated friends tested positive for COVID and my brain did the bad virus spiral again, I decided to plan a hike for the coming Saturday, today.
This plan got me through the week like nothing else. I was counting down the days. I decided to hike the full stretch of trails near my house, out and back, 16 miles. Unlike my other forms of rewarding myself (eating food, buying shit I don't need online), this had no adverse effects on some other part of my life. I was just really excited about something that's good for me!
I woke up a little before 5 this morning, grabbed my backpack and went. I saw the sunrise on trails I had all to myself! I hiked through all sorts of terrain for five hours, longer than I've ever gone before. Around mile 12 my body was definitely like "okaY that's enough" and I feel sore and exhausted for sure now, but the experience was pretty incredible. Hiking euphoria is the real deal. When I got back I took a hot shower and made myself the kind of breakfast I haven't had in a long time: syrupy pancakes, bacon and eggs, coffee, large portions of all of the above. It was nice, but I was too distracted by looking at pictures I'd taken during my hike to finish it all. Also pretty eye-opening that I used to eat that kind of meal all the time on weekend mornings before (1000 calories!).
So, anyway. Hiking is the shit, weight loss has empowered me to be accountable to myself and spend quality time with myself, I'm grateful for what my body is capable of doing and the ways it can change. Here's a cute view from this morning, too. I love this sub <3
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