possible ED trigger warning /
Hello y'all! I've lurked this sub for a mad long time but finally made an account so this is my first post, and I'm looking for a little advice too. Sorry in advance for the length of this, I find it literally impossible to summarise lmao
So I'm 24F and been big my whole life, but had a real wake up call lately. I was weighed for a routine medical procedure and came up at 135kg (~297 lbs), and it really shocked me. Not just because it's a high number, but because when I last weighed myself a year ago, I was only 110kg (~242 lbs). I knew I was overweight but the degree of gain in 12 months blew me away.
I ended up speaking to my doctor and we found some hormonal and some thyroid problems that helped explain why I'd gained so fast, but realistically I know it's my own doing mostly. I despise exercise, eat in ridiculously big portions and have a crippling sweet tooth. I've always hated my body but not enough to do anything about it, at least not in adult life.
Anyway, wake up call, it kicked my ass into gear and I've been doing really well! I'm going to the gym pretty regularly, made some big dietary switches and am relying on CICO to stay in a healthy calorie deficit. It's been a couple of weeks, I've not weighed myself yet as I'm still starting slow and gaining traction, and I know I might feel discouraged if I've not lost yet.
My problem, historically, is old thought patterns coming to the surface. As a teen and young adult I had a horrible relationship with my body and food. I was never diagnosed with anything as my parents are "mental health isn't real" types so I had no avenue to seek help. But I was really severely restricting my intake (think under 700 calories) as well as overexercising. Like I say, never got help, and really just dealt with it myself. As I've gotten older I've improved but sometimes struggle in the opposite direction with binging.
(note: I definitely know I could benefit from therapy around this, and am working on that. This post is really looking for general advice, I'm not expecting you guys to play Internet Therapist with me!).
I've started and stopped weight loss plans a hundred times, and always given up, and part of that is because I've tended to fall into old habits and bring back that toxic mentality, and I don't even really notice the change until one day I wake up and realise I'm over-restricting myself again. I ended up adopting a mentality of "I'd rather be fat and mentally well" and gave up on losing weight at all.
Which brings me to now, this wake up call I've had, and this new journey. Not to speak too soon, but I really think this might be where I properly change for the better, and I'm excited. But I'm also really scared, and a bit put off, by the idea that I'm going to fall back into my cycle.
How do you guys keep your mentality healthy while you lose? How do you stay on track without being all-consumed by it? I already find myself just constantly on my Fitbit app thinking about my deficits, and how I could make it better with more exercise. Part of it I think is I have quite a one-track mind and since this is now a big part of my life, I need to make sure it doesn't become the only part.
I don't really know where I'm going to finish writing this, I partially wanted to just say hello since I've just joined, and get any initial general advice. But I really want to break this cycle of self-sabotage and if anyone has any pointers, similar experience, or advice to share I'd be super grateful!
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