Monday, July 27, 2020

25F | 5’4” | SW:358 | CW:252 | GW:120ish? | Six months in and I am starting to recognize myself!

Yesterday marked six months since I decided to start taking myself and my health seriously, here are some of the insights that I have from losing ~106lbs.

•Some days it’s just going to suck. You’re going to feel hungry, or sore, or cranky. But it’s not worse than the pain of your body aching under your weight, or the embarrassment of people waiting for you to catch your breath, or the missed opportunities for life experiences. You can choose your pain, and nobody can make that choice for you.

•Intermittent fasting can be a game changer. I have PCOS and it makes it really difficult to lose weight sometimes. I’d always feel so bloated and disgusting having small portions spaced out throughout the day. Now I feel like my body has time to digest and I feel a lot trimmer even with the same calories. (May not apply to everyone.)

•Working out is great, but if you’re trying to burn off bad habits then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Working out is to get in shape, diet to lose weight. Focus on goals like lifting more weight per month, or going one more mile, to get non-scale victories that you’ll need to keep yourself motivated when the scale pauses.

•You won’t always notice the weight loss. For me, it seems like the numbers aren’t budging for a week at a time, but I’ll look back a month and be down 15lbs. Perspective is good, don’t be too impatient or hard on yourself.

That’s is for some of my advice, but here’s more about myself if it helps anyone. I was slowly killing myself with food. I didn’t care about living or dying, had no life or friends, and was generally trapped in my depressed, morbidly obese body. I wasn’t always like this, I was a varsity cross country runner in high school, so it goes to show how important getting your mind right is.

At the end of January I decided that I had enough of not recognizing myself and that if I was miserable already, I might as well be miserable and losing the weight, too. But I found out that I’m not miserable losing weight, I’m so much happier. I’ve dropped from a size 26 to 16, I can run around the yard with my dog, I deadlifted 270lbs and kayaked a 12 mile route this month! I’m still morbidly obese, but I know I won’t be for much longer, and I couldn’t say that six months ago.

But the catalyst for this post, other than being six months in, is that finally when I look in the mirror see the girl I knew before the weight. Sure, she’s bigger, but she is the same girl who will sing and dance and have fun. Six months ago I was too depressed to listen to music at all. I am so glad I made this change - maybe I’ll be back for my one year anniversary!

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