I'm 26F, 5'6, and my SW was 175 lbs and CW is 168 lbs. I'm going to take you through my past a bit before I get to where I am now and the realizations I've made during this past year.
When I was a young kid into my late teens, I was a competitive fencer. I trained about 3 hours, 3-5 days a week and then almost every day during the summers for ~ 8 hours. Even then, I would never consider myself thin but I was strong. My legs were pure and solid muscle (it was a good party trick in high school). But I was always a bit bigger than my other female teammates and my coach never forgot to remind me of that fact. He'd ask me to take extra runs to try and lose some extra weight. And I did what he said, but I just got stronger, not thinner.
The funny thing is, those words never bothered me back then. I was so healthy and fit, I could do whatever physical activity I wanted with ease. I was definitely one of the most fit girls in my PE classes. Because I was physically capable, I wasn't very concerned about my outward appearance.
What made me finally quit fencing the year before college is another long story, but it boils down to not dealing well with the pressures of competition plus very serious illnesses in my family. After I quit and was in college, I became sedentary. I would rarely workout except in small spurts. I loved walking and hiking so those were my main areas of fitness. Even then, because I was still relatively fit, I felt fine about myself be cause I could do the things I enjoyed. I never really had issues with my body image.
Then we had a family tragedy, my cousin's husband died only 12 days after their wedding. I was sent reeling into a 7 year long depression. It was the lowest point of my life and what little physical activity I did flew out the window. I stayed inside, watched TV all day, and isolated myself from my friends and family. But even during ALL of this, my body image was relatively positive.
However, after hearing exercise helps with depression, I wanted to get fit and I mistakenly tried to jump back into the activities I used to do when I was an athlete. I couldn't do anything, I was out of breath and having chest pains after walking briskly. Suddenly I looked in the mirror and every positive thought about my body was gone. I felt so ugly and terrible. I only got professional help in September of last year and currently, I am at my healthiest mentally.
What does this have to do with weight loss? I want to lose weight but even after getting into a calorie deficit and losing pounds, I felt no accomplishment or excitement and I still felt horrible about myself. I knew that I did not have a proper motivation and if this continued, I would not be successful. After a lot of soul-searching, I have realized that my body image is tied directly to what my body can achieve and how it performs. Because the scale is not my main motivator, I struggled setting long term goals for myself.
Good goal-setting for health apparently requires something achievable long-term along with an emotional reason for that goal. So my goal is this:
I want my body to be in a physical condition where I feel comfortable saying "Yes" to every request that comes my way. My sister wants to go swimming together? I'll say yes. My significant other wants to train for a half marathon? I'll say yes. My friend needs help moving boxes? It's a yes.
As soon as I made that switch, everything changed. Just today, I was able to run a few minutes without stopping and I wasn't feeling breathless! I finished my run and I couldn't help but fist pump the air in the middle of the trail haha. It's changed my entire outlook on this weight loss journey and it has allowed me to actually enjoy the experience.
tldr; The scale does not motivate me nor does losing pounds help confidence in my body image. I discovered that focusing on performance and ability and a ultimate goal of saying "yes" to any physical activity that comes my way has made my fitness journey achievable and enjoyable.
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