Is it just me? I don't lose weight when I "start again" after stumbling in this journey. I've kept off about 5lbs over 5 years. Occasionally I lose up to another 5lbs but it never comes off in my "first" week.
I've been struggling with food issues since I was a skinny kid who was told by her jealous brother "you're fat" enough times that I believed it. It wasn't just him though. There were a couple parental comments when I was 11 and again when I was 14 which, however isolated in nature, really stuck with me. It was also magazines and movies and having friends who hit puberty and got breasts earlier than me, the late bloomer. Those friends got the boys' attentions and I got teased.
By the time I reached my 20s, I had serious food issues which, when I was still a teen, had almost turned into a full blown ED. Thank goodness I was a goodie-goodie who paid attention to all school related activities, including assemblies and videos about eating disorders. I managed to see the signs in myself, and to vividly remember how much damage throwing up could do to my teeth and throat. I curbed those impulses in my mid-teens. I'm so grateful to be so lucky. But it didn't stop me from having a continuing negative body image.
I was 5'10" and 145lbs when I graduated highschool and still convinced I was fat. I went to a local university for a couple years and was extremely active. I biked everywhere, went to the gym every day on campus in first year (instead of class sometimes). Later I ran to the gym near my house on a regular basis once I moved farther from the campus, and still biked to class. But I was still convinced I was fat.
I moved in with a close friend who had depression and was a gourmet foodie (as well as a junk food lover) in my second year around age 19. Despite all the exercise I was doing, that's when I hit 150lbs, 160lbs and eventually 170lbs. I'd become a binging TV+food combo girl while living with her. And that habit has stuck with me all these years, unfortunately. I was horrified to get so "fat".
Now when I look back to some "before pictures" I took at age 22, I see a skinny, healthy, strong girl who had no clue what she really looked like. It makes me sad that I wasted so many years, hiding from the camera and making myself miserable with guilt about eating.
I never yo-yo dieted (I stubbornly refused to try diets, thank goodness), but I had trouble finding balance. I love sugar and baking. Plus being the skinniest in my family (and having all that resentment from years of being told I was fat) I stubbornly ate as much dessert as I could when with family. But really, at that point, I had still never actually been fat. Even though I was convinced I was, albeit less fat than my family.
I later worked at a seriously physical job and got stronger again. Eventually, I was back down to 160 after a few years of that and a 7-week backpacking trip where I deliberately made myself have higher output than input. It was easy with all the hiking to do. By that time, I was 26. I still thought I was fat, but I was starting to consider how much it might just be in my head.
I went back to university, a different one, after that backpacking trip and socialized with the 18yos starting first year like me. The girls were all so hard on themselves, about their bodies. I tried to convince them not to waste energy thinking they were fat because they were all gorgeous. I even said something cheesy like "When you're my age, you'll look back and realize how fantastic you looked" And when they said "You still look great!" did I believe them? No. Because "I was fat".
Now that I'm 37, I try to look at myself and think "Don't shy away from cameras now. You might gain more weight in the future and then regret not having these pictures, like you regret missing so many in your teens and twenties."
Eventually I hit 220 after developing a chronic pain disability which remained undiagnosed for five years. I ate for comfort and was obliged to stop living an active lifestyle because of the pain, so it caught up with me.
My body didn't want to stay at 220 I guess, because I only stayed there about 6 mos. I managed to get under 210 in the year following my diagnosis. I really started my active weight loss journey at 206.5 lbs, five years ago at Christmas. My whole family tried to band together to lose weight in a competition. It didn't work very well. Most of my family yo-yo'd up to higher levels. Except me and my dad who lost almost nothing that first year, but have kept off any gain since.
For many years now I've been on/off with actively trying to lose weight, trying various mental tricks, some of which are helpful: - don't focus on what you can't have, focus on what you should have -think about fueling your body with good things -try eating meals mindfully without distractions like TV -focus on your other issues, like mental health, and let weight be less important -try to be happy as you are and forgive your past self
I've been up and down over the last five years, between 207 and 191.
Since I got diagnosed a few years ago, I have been trying to find a balance between pain and activity. This year I finally gave in and started weighing food and counting calories. Sometimes depression from my chronic pain holds me down for awhile, so I have a lot of "restarts" with my weight loss. This year I've been around 198-202 lbs so far. I got to my 191 low, without tracking CICO.
TL;DR: I start and stop actively trying to lose weight because of other health issues. When I "restart" I don't see any losses during the first week of CICO dieting (yes, I weigh my food carefully and track everything; I have a HR monitor watch to help me track output).
Am I the only one who restarts their journey, after hitting a wall or a setback of some kind, and sees no progress for more than 10 days?
It's very discouraging. This month when I restarted I actually gained weight slowly over the first 7 days before finally seeing it come back down after 10 days. At the start of week 2, I finally see a loss. Honestly though, these ups and downs could just be part of my hormone cycle. (I suppose I need to stick to this for more than a month to get a better idea of the reality.)
Anyone familiar with this and get discouraged hearing about all the other "first week loss" stories?
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