For context, I’m almost 22F, 5’5.5”, and am now 116.6 lbs (19.1 BMI).
I have yo-yo’d a lot since 18 years old - I had a restrictive ED and got underweight, got up to my HW of 138.5 lbs after recovering, and naturally settled between 125-130 lbs within 1.5-2 years after recovery. In quarantine, I decided to start losing again - my guess is I got to around 131-132 lbs in May from 128.5 lbs in March (I didn’t have a scale at the time to know my for sure SW). Since then, I’ve gotten to 116.6 lbs, and this is the lightest I’ve been since my ED/before.
The catch is that every time I see the number go down, the more motivated I am to want to keep going, because I still don’t like what I see when I look at myself. My thighs are still big to me, and I feel like my body has hardly changed other than becoming more bony in my upper body. I’m extremely pear shaped and I feel like the only way to combat this is getting underweight again, but I know logically I shouldn’t keep trying to lose.
I just am still so unhappy with what I see. I thought this weight loss was supposed to make me more confident, but I feel very discouraged when I still have a very low self-esteem about my body. I know logically I’m at a healthy spot, but how can I repair my relationship with my body and food so that I can settle with where I am?
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