I am, without a doubt, at a very low moment in my time. I wouldn’t say rock bottom, but i’m close. Here’s a little backstory:
I am a 22 year old male. I have been overweight my whole entire life. I noticed it in middle school that i was just bigger than everyone else but didn’t start to take action midway through highschool. When I first began i loved working out, I was losing weight, i was getting compliments, I loved it. I played football and wrestled during highschool. My coaches insisted I stay big so I stopped dieting but still worked out. Fast forward and I just graduated college. All 4 years of college I tried multiple diets, weather it’s cico, keto, IF, mediterranean, literally fab diets like the military diet, two week diet, water diet. I tried it all. And i think it absolutely ruined my body. I could never actually lose more than 20 pounds.
In May of this year, I finally decided it was time. I was tired of how I looked, how I felt, how uncomfortable I felt in my clothes, what others thought of me, how I could never find a girl like my ex again, did drugs, drank a lot, skipped school, literally hit hit rock bottom early this year on top of everything else going on this year. In May and June I worked out every single day, dieted everyday, no cheat day, I gave up nicotine, drugs, booze, everything. I lost 30 pounds. I started to feel amazing. I was never as dedicated as I was in May.
Then July 10th rolls around. That’s the day I told myself I would cheat because it was my best friends birthday and I thought i deserved it. I drank, I smoked, I smoked nicotine, I ate like absolute shit, and honestly was fine with that as long as it just THAT DAY.
Next day rolls and i’m really hungover. I get coffee, I get bagels, I lay home all day, I crave nicotine, so so I tell myself i’ll just start back up the day after that. It has been 45+ days and I am completely lost.
I gained 35 lbs, my clothes are tighter on me, my nicotine addiction is back, I haven’t worked out since July 9th, I absolutely hate myself every morning knowing all the progress I lost. Everyday I tell myself okay i’ll start today and I just go to work and ruin my day with the first meal weather it’s pizza, subs, bagels, pasta, whatever. Then I just say fuck it i’ll start tomorrow. I have been saying i’ll start tomorrow for 45 GOD DAMN DAYS. I have been pushing off this subreddit, weight loss subreddits, researching diets, workouts, everything.
But i’m so fucking tired man. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I don’t deserve this. I just cannot find the motivation or “click” I had in May. I was so determined and so ready to change my life but now have ruined my routine and nearning rock bottom again. The only good thing is I don’t drink as much and don’t do drugs anymore.
I hate feeling like this everyday, I hate not being healthy, I hate being addicted to food, I hate using food as an escape. I need help. I set small goals for myself and can’t even accomplish those. I need help, please.
tl;dr: started my last and final weight loss journey in May, went well for 2 months, lost 30 pounds, gained it all back after one party, nearing rock bottom, need all the help I can get.
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