Sorry in advance this is more of a rant than anything else. I won’t repeat my whole story since I’ve posted here a few times before about it but long story short: I lost 35+ lbs last year, changed jobs, dad died unexpectedly, gained it all back plus another 25+lbs making me my highest EVER of 240. I’ve been unpacking a lot of childhood issues in therapy which has lead me to realize I gained a lot of weight as a kid. Mainly from being homeschooled and left home alone 8 hours a day while my parents worked. All I had was food. Cut to age 12, I was actually perfectly healthy, maybe a little chunky. But my mom is a narcissist with major ED tendencies and always indirectly told me I ate too much and was fat. Cut to high school, I lived with my friend most the time and she ate fast food 3 times a day and stayed lean so I adapted the same diet... but I blew up. Gained 50-75lbs by sophomore year and it just continued. All of this to say, the more I think on it the more I am so MAD. I’m so pissed that I ate myself to this point and that now my 20’s need to be spent getting my health together instead of enjoying everything else “regular” people do. I just feel disgusted with myself and disappointed. I wish I hadn’t gotten fat in the first place and I’m really scared of how long it may take to get healthy. I’ve never been successful at weight loss and I’m afraid I’ll YO YO forever and eventually gain more... I dont know I just feel so defeated. Thanks for listening to me vent if you made it this far.. cheers!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34ktNvY
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