Female, 5'5", 227 pounds (down from original 265, 245 before quarantine). I don't know what it is, but around now I start reintroducing sugar into my diet and eventually I just give in and opt for the dopamine geyser that is 24/7 sugar bingeing.
Sugar has honestly fucked my life so badly. I have some kind of autoimmune issue that makes me unable to digest most fruits and veggies, where before my eating disorder I ate a mostly Mediterranean-style diet with no issues. I haven't been able to eat spices of any kind, whole grains, fish, eggs, cucumbers, leafy greens, onions, squash, nightshades, and any fruit for going on six years. My anxiety disorder has evolved into a full-blown panic disorder and I'm guessing malnutrition is a big part of that.
My doctors have had nothing to say on this matter. First they said my samples looked like ulcerative colitis, then Crohn's, then nothing. I would turn in a sample that literally had undigested avocado and olive slices in it, and they would come back and say my markers all looked normal. But then they would say something was definitely off, but they didn't know what. I'm too anxious about being put under for a colonoscopy.
While my diet was like 90% sugar, I had over a year where for my real food I could literally only eat white rice congee, chicken, and sourdough. I was sick and inflamed all the time. I worked a food service job and felt run down constantly. I was very active at work, four to five days a week for a year but I didn't build any muscle and I didn't get any stronger or more in shape. To get myself able to work I would have to eat millet every day to constipate me, and even so I would spend every shift in constant anxiety of the inevitable moment where I would have to drop everything and sprint to the bathroom.
Since quarantine I've backed off on sugar significantly and log everything on MFP. I've been walking an hour a day since mid-March and I have actual leg strength and tiny but honkable leg muscles. I'm no longer pre-diabetic and my total cholesterol is down something like 20 points. I can finally eat some fruit now! Kiwi if I get rid of the seeds, strawberries, cantaloupe and watermelon. First dietary vitamin C other than sauerkraut I've been able to have in six years. I can have pinto beans now, and I'm hoping to eventually calm my inflammation enough to reintroduce leafy greens. I don't know. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself.
I'm right at the point in my weight loss journey where I see the number on the scale get close to 200 and I freak out and start backpedaling. I don't know why. I didn't hit the 200s until about a decade ago, so it isn't like I've been this weight my whole life and I won't know who I am anymore. I don't know what my deal is here but I keep getting these horrible urges to binge, and I've been catching myself shoving handfuls of cereal into my mouth without weighing it out or logging it. I have days where all I can think about is cake, ice cream, cookies. The sheer volume of shit I used to eat. My warmup would be 200 grams of sugar and I never felt it in the moment.
I know if I could figure out any recipes for single servings of cake or cookies I could just bake them myself, but I know that trolling recipes and shit will just push me closer to the edge. In the meantime I'm just working on my issues and trying not to completely tank myself. Part of it is that I've come so far that it isn't necessarily exciting anymore. It's a slog when I think about the fact that I still have to lose 60 or so pounds to be in the "overweight" category. I get depressed, and I forget what my motivation is *even while I'm still getting results.*
Writing all this out helped some, if only to remind me of how far I've come and how far I still want to go.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/32ocUOB
No comments:
Post a Comment