Because I think about food...I have a terrible relationship with food that I'm trying to work on. I think I may have a bit of a food addiction. I think about food so much. Sometimes even while I eat I think about what I could eat next. Its embarrassing. It was humiliating even typing that. I hate myself for my eating problems. I hate the way I look at and think about myself. I'm grossed out by my body. I have no motivation to lose. I want tl be thin but not for the right reason.. I just want to look good. I have always lost weight in the past for the sake of others being phsically attracted to me. Now, the past 5 years I have been in a solid happy relationship, we have kids, and my partner is definitely attracted to me, so now there is no "competition " to be attractive, there is no motivation because I have "won the game"..I know this is a stupid way to look at this..but its my brain. I just try not to gain anymore to not lose my partner..not that that is a worry, again it's just my thought process. I just don't care for myself. I have never cared about myself, I borderline hate the way I look. I have no discipline. Now my brain is losing focus.. anyways. I just wish I could magically lose weight and be happy with my body. I don't want to put in the effort. I know I need to for the sake of my children. I'm just struggling with staying positive about giving up food. I know I need to change some of the ways I think before I can accomplish weight loss. Shits hard, man.
Thanks for reading. I'm not proof reading because I will start to nitpick my writing and I won't even end up posting it and right now I feel like I need to post it. Thanks.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Y9Srfc
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