Currently in the process of getting ahold of myself. I've stopped the weight gain and actually lost about 10lbs in a few weeks with sporadic, inconsistent effort.
I'm enacting a plan to work my ass off and get back to my pre-quarantine routine, with more focus on weights and less on cardio, from July 2021 to July 2022, then I'm going to try and make a career move that I need to be in shape for.
I started at 385lbs graduating high school at age 18. I got down to 196 in 2018. It was a new life. However, I got lazy. Between 10/2020 and 3/2021, I gained 60lbs+. I was in a bad relationship and living with him, working from home sucked, just basically everything sucked, and then my pants didn't fit me, which sucked more.
What I've learned:
- If I don't feel like exercising, it's okay. I have one flat foot and need to give my feet a break sometimes. But it is imperative that I keep my calories under control.
- I am not going to fast. It works for some people, but not for me. I can't make it more than a couple days, and I have far too many "last hoorahs" and "I'll start tomorrows". The first time I lost my weight was just exercise and calorie restriction - I've already done it and I know what works. Get it together.
- I have depression. I tend not to identify with it, I'm not on medication and I'm not in therapy. A lot of days when things are good, I don't have depression. But when those seasons of darkness come, I fall very low and have a very hard time on my own. Reaching out to others for help rather than isolating is key to my survival with this illness. And it is an illness, I'm not making it up and I didn't do it to myself. Sometimes things are just really really hard.
- On a lighter note, strength training is really important. When I was my most slim, without clothes I looked like the loose skin monster from Pan's Labyrinth and it was no bueno. Looking at men who are 6'4" and get down to 190-200 post on reddit, most end up having some muscle definition to fill them out, but I really do not. So I want to make sure I'm taking an approach closer to body recomposition, because I don't just want to be slim, I want to have a good shape.
- It was always about being thin at all costs, the first time around I was overly restrictive sometimes. Four months ago I took my dad to the ER with heart failure from an unhealthy lifestyle. He and his father were the same age as we are when he made the drive with my grandpa, only he died that night. This really impacted me and made me realize that the goal is not to be as thin as I possibly can. But to be healthy so I can live past 60 and avoid things like diabetes and high blood pressure as an older adult.
I'm turning 27 next month. Losing weight made me feel young. I lost that in my weight gain, I think it's because my features aren't as sharp. I want to look and feel young and enjoy my life. This is going to be my year and I'm going to achieve what I've always wanted. I've made an appt with a mental health therapist for the beginning of July and intend to go weekly. I don't want any medication but I am happy to talk to someone.
Just wanted to post this to see if someone else might relate. Weight loss is one thing, gaining the weight back is a whole other thing!
Pro tip: as you lose weight, keep a trash bag in a closet full of your favorite larger clothes. Just in case. If I've learned one thing over the last several years of weight fluctuation, it's the expensive cost of clothes.
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