Losing weight while depressed

I am female, age 34, height 5’6” (167cm), current weight 260lb (118kg).

I’ve been overweight my whole life. I have had depression and chronic pain for years, and some of the medication I take can cause weight gain. I don’t mean that as an excuse, just the reality that my health is not great even aside from my obesity, and that makes it more difficult for me in some ways. I also have type two diabetes although apparently it’s mild and I’m not on any medication for that.

I’ve had a few attempts at dieting over the years but always regained the weight. Then I started tracking my weight and calories in May 2018. My start weight/highest weight was 292lb (133kg). From May 2018 to August 2018 I went down to 276lb (125kg).

Then I was struggling with a period where my chronic pain was flaring up so from August 2018 to March 2020 I hovered around 276lb. I suppose the only good thing is that I kept on tracking my weight and food intake and didn’t gain anything back.

From March 2020 I started losing weight again and got down to 260lb (118kg) by about January 2021. To lose weight I have just been eating in a calorie deficit, not restricting any particular foods, but calorie counting. I’ve also been going at a fairly slow pace but until recently I was fine with that and it felt like that was sustainable.

But my weight loss has stalled again here. Since January I’ve been fluctuating around 260lb. I have struggled with eating too much. Even though I wasn’t being extremely restrictive before, I’ve now been finding it so hard to stick to calorie limits and I’ve been going over most days. Plus I’ve noticed I’ve been doing a lot of emotional eating as my depression has been really bad again this year, which is a habit I thought I’d broken.

I got an indoors exercise bike about a year ago and I have actually kept up with daily exercising, so that’s good, but I know the food is the more important thing to focus on.

I am feeling so bad about my weight and what I’m eating and my appearance and my health. I want to lose weight so I feel better about the way I look, and I have more options for clothes, that side of things. But also I do worry about my health, especially with the diabetes hanging over me. But it’s hard to keep motivated and my depression just twists it into self-loathing.

I want to get back into tracking my food more strictly, and actually stick to my calorie limits. I am patient and I don’t mind going at a slower pace if that’s more sustainable and realistic for me. At this point I don’t think I’ll ever be a normal weight or size; I just want to be healthier and thinner than I am now. I just want to see some progress on the scales. But every time I try to get serious about weight loss again, I just get stalled. I just don’t know how to do it anymore.

Sorry for the long post, I would just love any advice from people here who may understand what I’m going through and what to do next.

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