If you’re anything like me (or how I used to be at this point), you buy clothes that are several sizes too small- your “target clothes.” You tell yourself you’ll fit into them one day, which may very well be the truth, and in the meantime you’ll only wear your old baggy clothes or gym clothes and that’s it.
That was exactly my mentality. “I’m not gonna buy my size of clothes now because in a few months they’ll be too big” and then a few months come by and the clothes that I bought that are too small were still too small. It led to so many frustrated episodes of not being satisfied by my progress and going into violent cycles of binge-over restrict, of eat too little and see progress then eat too much and ruin it. I think in the past, I felt like I only deserved to dress well if I had the main accessory to go with it: my dream body. If I was in my same body trying to dress nice, it just felt like I was trying to squeeze myself into a costume that would only look good on people who were as fit as I wanted to be but wasn’t.
I’m 20 (F) now and I’ve been doing that since I was 13, buying clothes I would call my target clothes, taking starting pictures of pants that wouldn’t go above my knees and shirts that fit like a sports bra hoping they would gradually get looser until they fit. Except that time never came because I was just cycling through self-hate and over fixation on a specific result, subscribing myself to beauty standards that made me disgusted of my body. I hid behind baggy and mismatched clothes, never bothering because I felt like I didn’t deserve it until I reached my goal. It was toxic and ruthless.
Until I one day decided- eff it. It’s been 7 years and rarely have I worn an outfit I’ve loved and never have I fit into those target clothes that have been collecting dust, completely unworn. All I’ve done is gain weight or had inconsistent progress. I feel like crap because I look like crap, but not all of that has to do with my body weight. In fact, a lot of it has to do with the way I chose to present myself- reflecting the low self esteem I have.
So I went on a haul (disclaimer: I hate consumer overconsumption, but this was an investment)- bought all the clothes I’ve been wanting to wear in sizes that fit and forcing myself to wear them, even if I felt odd and like a fraud, even if it felt like a waste of money because eventually (hopefully) they’d be too big. I paired it with affirmations that my body is not an accessory, it is meant to keep me alive and it’s trying it’s damn hardest. I kept telling myself- I am taking care of my body, I am eating well and working out, the results will come eventually with patience, and in the meantime I should allow myself to be as confident as I would be if I was at my target body, including with clothes.
The result? I started carrying myself better and felt better- even when I felt bad about my body, at the very least I didn’t feel bad about my outfit. It kept me afloat and gave me the self confidence, love, and healthy body positivity I needed to give myself grace and be patient with my journey. I started to be so much more consistent with eating well and working out because I felt good AND looked good.
Now, the healthy habits are solidifying and the pounds are dropping. And yes, the clothes are getting looser and the target clothes are starting to fit. The starting clothes I have now can be tailored or donated when time time comes, but they’ve kept me afloat and I credit them for helping me build the self love I never had.
TL;DR: it’s okay to have target clothes and to make looking better a reason to lose weight, but it’s also okay to be happy with the way you look and dress in the meantime. All those things can coexist. In fact, you may find that dressing the way you’ve always wanted to now rather than later will help you build a healthy acceptance and mentality for weight loss based neither on hate nor complacency. You are NOT less worthy of looking good and feeling good because of your weight and you ARE worthy of getting to a healthy body. Be patient and loving towards yourself :)
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