Does anyone here struggle with not knowing if weight loss is worth it at a healthy BMI (mine currently hovers around 22) for the sake of fashion? I’ve broken down crying 3 times this week trying to get dressed because it takes so much work to look cute and classy now. Being bigger has made life tremendously harder and I feel like I need to entirely ditch fashion all together and just be plain all the time.
For context, I spent most of 16-22 being near underweight due to an eating disorder. There were moments where I weighed more, around what I did now, but I was launched right back into major relapse. So far I’ve managed my weight around a BMI 21.5-22.5 for about two years, which should feel like a victory, but instead it feels like a failure. Every outfit I put on I feel frumpy in. I have super defined hips that only really came about after 2 years of full “recovery” and basically every pair of pants that isn’t drapey or oversized I wear makes me cry in a ball on my floor. I feel lumpy and like nothing fits, and back when I was skinny I could just throw on anything and look great, now I have to basically get everything tailored to look good and I don’t make that much money so it’s not super easy, and my schedule is crazy so doing it all myself would also be rough.
A part of me wants to just lose the weight again, at least stopping at a healthy weight, but I know I’d probably go too far and I would probably gain it back anyway so I feel like I need to accept thus is my body, but unfortunately it’s just not conducive to the aesthetic that I like at all. I don’t want to be a curvy broad woman, I want to be androgynous and academic looking (maybe there’s a dysphoria component here, idk). So I just feel like I’m trapped in this soft, bodacious, round body and don’t know what to do or how to dress it or if I should even try.
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