SW: 126kg | CW: 113kg | GW: 80kg
I've always been overweight, by the time I was 11 I hit 11st and then stopped counting. I'm 21 now, and for the first time in my life I've been losing weight. Admittedly, its only been a few months, but I've learnt a surprising amount; I hope you don't mind me sharing.
1 - Habits you've been doing 'forever' are not impossible to break
Growing up as a kid with a lot of undiagnosed mental health problems, I had a lot of issues with food and emotions. My mother uses food as a love language, so would show her love by giving food, a lot, and always too much. I was used to adult portions by primary school; hoarded snacks only to binge them all at once; turned to food for comfort when my mental illnesses got bad; would eat until it was painful. That's always how it was, it continued to adulthood, self care became eating an entire cake to myself.
But, I broke the habit without even realising within a few months. When I first started, I tracked calories religiously because I realised I had no idea how much energy was in what I was eating. Once I did, I was obviously mildly horrified - a motivation to keep counting. I stuck to that for at least two months, missing only 2/3 days. What I didn't realise then, was that I was effectively going cold turkey from my binging. I was more conscious of what I eat, planned better meals, and soon realised the urge was no longer there, and it hasn't returned since.
2 - You won't count calories forever
I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks its important to track calories pretty closely when you first start, if you're able. It can reframe your perspective of food, as well as hold you accountable. What I didn't realise is how quickly you pick up knowing calories off the top of your head. I don't calorie count really at all now, after a couple months of counting everything you remember enough to count and keep track in your head. The first few months can make eating more of a chore, knowing you have to input everything, weigh everything etc. but it really doesnt last that long; it's merely some quick maths now which is quite nice.
3 - You discover new parts of your body
This one will obviously depend on your personal history and weight, but I've found that while I don't notice many physical changes in my body, I can feel them. Occasionally when I'm laying in bed, I realise I can feel the corner of my hipbone, or I can work out where my ribs end. This isn't to advocate for obsessive body checking, or to romanticise prominent bones (I promise mine are still very much behind padding lmao). Rather, sometimes when you look in the mirror and can't see progress, a slight touch can remind you that you're working hard and still doing good.
4 - When people compliment your weight loss, it can feel humiliating
Now, this one might not be as widely relatable, but I know I'm not the only one who will feel this way. Sometimes, when a friend, or someone who's known you before your weight loss journey, comments about it, it fucking sucks. For me, it's humiliating to know that they saw me at my worst, when I didn't even realise I was at my worst. I never realised how I looked until I started losing weight, and now looking back is painful. Fat bodies have every right to be loved as much as thin bodies, and fatness should never dictate the respect someone is given. But for me, when I thought I was loving my fat body, I was probably killing it. I ate so much for such temporary joy. I'd been hospitalised because I'd binged so much it caused a chronic illness flare up and damaged my organs. I looked visibly sickly because I wasn't eating well. It wasn't loving myself.
And sometimes when people congratulate you on how far you've come, it just reminds you that they've seen the before. And it does feel humiliating, but in that humiliation is the desire to prevent yourself from being the before again.
Allow yourself to feel bad, escape the conversation if you need, but remember that being embarrassed of the before is promise for the future. And they mean it when they say you look good :)
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