I’ve been fat for as long as I can remember. I always justified it to myself because I was never the biggest person around, so it could be worse right? Well, that’s not true. Growing up I was the chubby kid, but I was at least a little in shape because I kept my life busy. I was in marching band, choir, and theater. Then I started college, and I chose to focus on vocal performance because I’d always been a good singer. I’d been taking lessons since I was 13 and I had real passion and drive for my goals. Needless to say, I quickly realized how little I knew about reality and pretty quickly fell into depression and severe anxiety. Over time I went from a little fat to actually fat. Last September I was 265, at 5’4”, but I haven’t weighed myself since. I never really addressed my weight because I knew I had to get my mental health in order before I could take that task on, and I’ve more or less done that work. I’m in therapy, I’m learning to cope with my anxiety better, and I’m finally at a place where I’m ready to do the work to get healthy. I don’t want to frame it as weight loss so much as getting healthy, but I think weight loss will be a natural side effect of the work I’m starting to do.
The moment I knew I was too unhealthy happened about a year ago when, after three years without performing, I decided to join a cabaret style singing show. The audition went fine, but when I was actually on stage and adding dancing to the singing, I realized I had lost so much of my breath support from my weight gain, and I could barely sing. It was the worst performance of my life as I tried to huff and puff my way through. It was humiliating and devastating. I’ve worked so hard on my voice and my art and it broke my heart that I couldn’t sing as well anymore. Even though I’m no longer pursuing music as a career, I still want it to be part of my life. I need it to be.
So last month I started making some changes. First to my diet, then adding a little activity, just to see if I could stick with it, and I can. Now I’m actively making the choice every day to nourish myself rather than treat myself to unhealthy foods. I’m choosing to walk the beautiful lakefront trail in Chicago every day instead of watching another episode of whatever I’m watching while sitting on the couch. I’m still allowing myself the foods I enjoy, but I’m thrilled to learn that I CAN trust myself to have those foods only on occasion and in moderation. I’m really ready to do this. I feel positive about it because every step of the way I’ve felt happy and excited about the possibilities.
Sorry if my train of thought here was jumbled, I’m just a bit excited to share. TLDR: I’m a singer who is so out of shape I can’t sing, so I’m making changes that I’m happy about.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2CNXs5B
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