Sunday, June 6, 2021

NSV: Mental health, vacations, and acceptance

Thought maybe this would help someone as this sub has really helped shape my mentality around weight loss.

I had my first ever vaccinated weekend away -- an old friend's wedding up in the mountains. I panicked for weeks trying to queue my workouts to use their gym, worried myself over what food to bring to stay in my deficit knowing I have been fearful of french fries, finger foods, and 'vacation' food for months. I track religiously. I have one cheat meal every Saturday. I lift weights/do hiit 6x a week and walk nearly 5 miles daily. I finally hit 156.0 on the dot on the scale three hours before we left for the trip. I was horrified to think I could "screw this up".

I never hit the gym. Instead I went on a very long hike, all the way to the top of a ski slope mountain. I spent my Saturday morning marveling at how steep inclines were no longer tough on me. I indulged in french fries, burgers, chocolate, and coffee. I swam. I relaxed. I got to reconnect with people I hadn't seen in over a decade. I saw my very first best friend get married and we danced and drank for hours.

In the back of my head was a battle: worrying myself about my progress, and then, realizing that an outlier in my journey wasn't going to suddenly ruin everything.

I just got home today and I'm exhausted but in the best way. I've gained something like 8lbs of water weight, probably even some fat, and that's okay! Monday is a new day where I start to weight lift again, where I cook heavy protein meals again, where I chase the goal to be healthier and be proud that my body can bounce back even after a weekend where I over-indulged.

It feels... strange, to not mourn my 'progress' -- because there is nothing to mourn. Progress isn't linear. Memories were better than worrying myself sick over the finite calorie counts of a chicken breast or the weight of cheese on a bacon burger. I can get to 156.0 again, and I plan on eventually hitting that goal of 140. :)

submitted by /u/princessmargaret
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