23year old girl at 83KG. I've been trying really really hard to consistently lose weight. It's an uphill battle already because I deal with horrible binge eating and it's taken me a year to get a little better at it.
My family and my surroundings have started to really frustrate me because all they talk about is food. I went out with my cousins to get a pedicure and the entire way there and the way back (I was with them for 5 hours) they talked about food, dieting, more food, more dieting. When they say dieting they mean not eating anything at all and walking 12k steps a day and weight training. I try not to talk to them much because I can't manage to exercise that much and if I eat too little I trigger myself into a binge eating episode.
Unfortunately I have to spend a lot of time with them because they're getting married. I've been dealing with my other cousins talking about weight loss too, but I don't mind a simple "yeah I've been trying to lose weight, I eat this and I try to exercise." It's just that these cousins talk about it all the time and I don't want to think about food all day. I don't want to hyper focus on dieting every few minutes because it would be too stressful for me.
A few examples:
When we went to get pedicures we got the wrong building so we were walking upstairs but then we realised we had to go somewhere else. As we're going downstairs my cousin says "I love how we're complaining about walking upstairs as though we all don't need to exercise." This genuinely upset me because I don't look at myself as someone that needs to exercise. I want to exercise. It helps me cope with my depression and it makes me feel good about myself. I dont want to see myself as someone that needs to exercise because that would make me despise myself and my body.
Another factor is that these cousins want to be stick thin. One of them only ate 300-500 calories daily so that she would lose weight. When I told her that I'm glad she doesn't do that anymore because it's disordered eating she just laughed it off and said "I'd still do it if I could, I wish I could starve myself now." She said she fat shamed herself into being thin and she wants to be thinner than she is now.
To add to this, I can't tell them I have BED because they'll say yeah we all have that.
Then, we were at a dinner and the entire time my cousins were joking about how the food was so good they were afraid it would finish soon. Then they all kept talking about "skinny girls" and about how they wanna know "how these skinny girls do it." I distanced myself from the conversation because I didn't want to think about food and weight that much. To add to this, another one of my cousins comes up to me when I'm about to leave and asks if I'm going to join a gym again. I tell her no I'm exercising at home and I have the equipment I need at home. This was the same cousin who a few months ago told me "I'm so glad my weight hasn't gotten so bad that I have back rolls" right after I told her I want to lose weight off my back because I have back rolls.
I also understand that I might be overly sensitive, it's just that I feel extremely uncomfortable around these women now. I was really close to them for a long time but now I dread meeting them because I don't want to talk about weight loss every minute of every day. I know really well that I have to lose weight, I dont want to be reminded of it vicariously. And that's the thing that upsets me even more; they talk about weight referencing all of us, as though I'm not even there.
When I tell them I'm calorie counting, they want to know exactly how many calories, which times of the day I eat during and when my last meal is. I try to avoid the topic of weight but they keep bringing it up.
Another very very irritating fact is that whatever I do with them has to involve food. I can't just meet them over coffee, it has to be over lunch, or a hi-tea with deep fried food, of homemade food with a lot of calories.
Am I being too sensitive in this regard? How do I not let any of this affect me? I've been controlling my binge eating even though being around them has made me want to binge. It's like after they're gone I feel like an overgrown whale
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