Hi all,
(NSFW for a progress pic showing my midriff).
This is my first time posting to this sub. I've read quite a bit and I'm so impressed with everyone and their realistic attitude towards weight loss. I've never posted about my weight or goals before, but I'm glad that there's a space for me to do just that.
I don't know if it's because some bad stuff has happened in my life lately, but I find myself having a very fatalistic attitude towards my weight loss goals.
I've always been healthy and fairly active. I love lifting weights and back in 2018, I lost 14 lbs in 3 months. Maybe my life was much happier back then, I don't know. I'm 5'1, 27 years old, and currently 155lbs. My goal weight is 135lbs. I have no thyroid problems or anything that would prevent me from losing weight.
I had a partner who was proud of the fact that I'd be healthy and go to the gym, after telling me that I wasn't as nice looking as I could have been. He said he'd be more attracted to me if I was slimmer than I was at the time. https://imgur.com/3JeXp7n That was me at 135ish lbs back in 2014-2015 (when he told me I could have looked better.) I never gained the freshman 15 in college. I gained the senior 20 at which point I looked like this: https://imgur.com/HAEv56b I was round 155lbs at that time (which is where I am now in 2021). I guess I started being healthy just for him but something happened and I fell off the wagon. I yoyo-ed a lot since then, but I never got back to being 142lbs.
I left my boyfriend at the beginning of this year. I got tired of not being good enough. My weight and my overall look wasn't something he was happy with. I don't think I have a right to blame someone else for my insecurities, and the fact is that I've always had a problem with how I looked, even before I met him. In that first photo I showed you all, I didn't think I was good enough. But now that I look much worse https://imgur.com/de57R78, that feeling has only increased. I'm at a point where I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I just do what I know how to do: count my calories, lift, do cardio, all the things that I know will get me where I need to go?
I have a weird thing in my head that if I don't see results by tomorrow, it's not worth it. All I've been doing lately is working and coming home. I've since dealt with that and reduced my hours. I guess I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm looking for. Maybe just someone to tell me that I can do it and to not give up? And that there are others who are struggling like this as well? I don't know. I think the concept of time is scaring me too. Like if I take too long, something bad will happen? Maybe it messed with me a lot that someone so close to me didn't like how I looked. I'm struggling between self acceptance and wondering what others think of me. No one's ever called me fat, but that should be irrelevant. If I don't feel like I'm at my best, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. I'm just...a mental, emotional, and physical mess at the moment.
It's funny, I put my foot down and bought a whole bunch of fruits and vegetables because I decided I was gonna go that way. Turns out I'm pretty allergic to pineapple and had a really bad allergic reaction for the past 3 days. I know what to do, I guess I just want someone to believe in me...because I'm having a hard time believing in myself after my break up and a whole lot of other garbage that's happened this year. This has been the hardest year of my life in a lot of ways. It's hard to remember that I can do what I set my mind to..
Thanks for listening all.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2X6vuw2
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