Loving myself to healthy vs. hating myself to healthy

24F, 5’9”, SW: 245 CW: 235.6, GW: 160-170

I’ve been around the weight loss circle many many times over the last 6 years. I went from being a slim high school athlete to gaining a lot of weight through college/covid/office life/family tragedy the last few years. Each time I lose weight I inevitably gain it back, and usually gain even more than my previous starting weight

I’m fucking sick of the cycle. I want to live the second half of my 20’s happier, healthier, and sexier than the first. I feel like I’m finally ready to work on slow, lifelong changes rather than quick unsustainable sprints to lose 30 lbs in 3 month before “relapsing” back to even worse habits than before. I don’t want to blink my eyes and realize I’m 70 and I spent my whole life hating myself and my weight

And that’s what kind of clicked for me - in the past I’ve always hated myself through weight loss. Told myself I was ugly and fat. Punished myself for overeating. Calorie counted each single calorie and feared seasoning with salt due to sodium (seriously, what the fuck?) Each time I lost weight so I thought that approach worked but in hindsight it obviously did not - 6 years later I’m starting bigger than ever before

So this time around I am working on loving myself. Taking care of myself and being kind with myself. Eating healthy nutritious meals that I could see myself making forever, not just making low calorie strange things that I would never serve a guest. Keeping a calorie deficit but making sure I’m not hungry all day. Focusing on moving my body in ways I love such as hiking and walking for now. Buying myself some workout clothes that fit and feel good on my current body rather than squeezing myself into stuff that doesn’t fit. Focusing on positive healthy change but still honoring the person I am now.

It’s a struggle to choose to love yourself every day and it’s something I’m still working on. But I realized that I am the only person who will be there from the day I was born til the day I die. And I might as well try to be her friend :)

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