I have had weight gain, always related to stress over work, in a bad way over the last 8 years or so. +50 pounds in 6 months in 2014. Gained 20 pounds in 2016. Another 20-30 in 2018, all around toxic workplaces getting totally untenable. I’ve also been moderately to deeply depressed for about 10 years. And most of my attempts to lose weight have spiraled into total obsession, freakouts over re-gaining, starving myself, all kinds of terrible stuff. Compounded to the point where I had to not ever weigh myself, ask the doctor not to tell me when they did, and never ever talk about diets or I would just completely collapse.
Last year I FINALLY got onto medication for depression, and a brand-new ADHD diagnosis. The Wellbutrin that I’m on, along with making me less anxious, curbs some of the non-hunger food cravings I usually get when I’m stressed, which has been an amazing psychological load off. But, as of the spring/summer, I was still much (MUCH) higher than my pretty-healthy weight, and technically morbidly obese going by BMI, as flawed as it is for an individual measure. And I realized I had the emotional wherewithal to actually try to do something about it. (Started with Noom and, in 3 days, I was already spiraling into preoccupation)
I had a doctor visit that established my blood pressure, a1c, lipid panel, etc were all definitely healthy (whew). And that I weighed around 243 pounds, which was, at least, 10 pounds less than my high weight in early 2019. I told my doctor: no apps, no calorie counting, no daily or weekly weigh-ins. She said “try making sure half your plate is vegetables”.
I went with the strategy of: eat 12 oz of vegetables at the beginning of dinner (roughly a day’s 5 servings) and then eat the rest of dinner if I’m still hungry. I’ve been able to keep that up 5 days a week since late June. I already didn’t really eat breakfast and mostly eat protein supplement stuff for lunch (a diet I’ve had for years, DEFINITELY did not result in weight loss).
Yesterday (3 months in) I felt OK enough to weigh myself and I’m down to 221. BMI of 39. I don’t think my weight has been this low since early 2016. And the last time I lost weight on purpose, I was 21 and literally starving myself. I can barely believe it. It happened so gradually I didn’t even really notice. And I don’t obsess over food. I am really fucking happy eating, like, a mixing bowl full of blanched green beans with extremely good olive oil, sea salt, and lemon. And I haven’t even added proper workouts back in, because I was kind of overwhelmed (and also, Covid).
I think my biggest takeaway:
Perfectionism + ADHD means I can get VERY obsessive/hyperfocusy, or very scattered, so I need simple, clear tactics that don’t require a bunch of attention. Counting calories really doesn’t work for me. And I had to address the root causes of overeating before I could actually get myself to stop.
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