I've been a longtime lurker on here, and this sub alongside r/1200isplenty and r/progresspics has helped me go from 168 pounds to 131 since last summer through CICO. I hit about 133 back in March and since then, I feel like something in my brain has hit a brick wall with losing. I want to get down to about 126 ideally; I don't hate how I look now, but I do hate my stomach still and in my head I want to have lost 3 stone and 126 is my ultimate goal number on the scales I guess. Which maybe is problematic in some ways I don't know. I had been tracking my calories up until March with just adding up on my phone calculator as the day goes on, I know to most people a proper app is easier, but my previous failed attempts at weight loss had all been with MFP, so I didn't have great associations with it. I did switch to it in March however, and I've been using it since then, not sure if that's relevant or not.
I can tend towards binge eating, and I would say that before March I'd maybe binge once a month, never planned or intended, it would just happen, and would maybe be a day of 2000-2500 calories, but recently something's flipped. I can't seem to make it through a week or two at most without a 2000 calorie day, which whilst it isn't the end of the world, it means I've been stuck fluctuating between 130-132 for the last few months and I feel so frustrated. I'm scared I'll keep binging and gain weight back, I'm terrified of gaining it back, so the thought of switching to maintenance calories for a bit seems counter intuitive to me. But equally I can't seem to keep myself in check trying to modestly lose at the moment either? I aim for around 1350-1400 a day, so not a huge deficit. My mental health is always fluctuating, and recently has really been bad, which maybe is also related to the binging?
I know this is a long post but I just feel like what am I doing with it at the moment? I can't seem to stick to a solid eating pattern, I'm constantly craving crappy foods, but if i buy them, I eat all of them so either I don't or eventually once in a blue moon when I tell myself I'm going to have some in moderation, that inevitably always fails. Today was a low point, I'd been craving carrot cake (anything sweet god is my downfall) for days, eventually caved this morning, had a decent sized slice for lunch with low cal ice cream as I'd skipped breakfast. Decent low cal meal for dinner, the day was looking balanced. Now I know how crazy this sounds, and you're probably going to be disgusted with me at this point, and I know it's terrible in terms of food waste, but I then sprayed the cake with perfume to stop myself eating more, put it back in its box and back in the bin. Cut to this evening, me fishing the box out of the (pretty much empty) bin, proceeding to eat the rest of the cake despite some of it tasting of perfume. I mean what is wrong with me? I just hate myself right now, I don't know what to do. I feel like I've become stuck in this cycle, I've got these last few pounds to lose and I honestly feel like they're going to defeat me. Plus I'll wanna cry when the scales go up again tomorrow.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2M9ifo4
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