Hey everyone. I guess I'm new to posting here, though I have been lurking for awhile. Today has been...rough. I'm F22, 5'6, 135lb (probably 138 now after tonight) and I am just feeling like crap right now. I don't know why, but ever since I graduated I've just not been able to stick to any calorie deficit. Worse, every time I try I end up binging after a few days. Usually I end up restricting to try to balance it out, which doesn't really work like it used to. It actually makes things worse, so after a day or two I stop. To be fair, the month or two before I graduated, it had been pretty hard sticking to my deficit calorie wise. Due to feeling like shit and generally not liking how I looked, I began exercising around September and sticking to a strict 1200 calories a day with an ultimate goal of 130lbs. With (several) bumps in the road (including a winter break where I tried not counting calories to test out maintenance and ended up both failing to not count, and binging till I gained 8lbs in a month), I managed to get down to 132lbs from a starting weight of 158lbs. That 132lbs I was at was 2 weeks ago. Ever since I graduated I upped the calories from 1200 to 1500 a day with a resolve for slower weight loss with less stress. Today, I overate AGAIN and I was so depressed. Not just with failing my easier calorie deficit, but just with the fact that this whole year so much of my thoughts have been wrapped around managing food and my weight. Planning out what I'm going to eat for the day and the next day is on my mind constantly...In the end, I ended up saying fuck it and the end result of today's binge was 8500 calories. It hurts, and it sucks, and I just want to be able to stop focusing so much on what comes in and what comes out, but every single time I try to stop calorie counting or focusing so much on food intake it doesn't last very long. My mind just strays to that goal weight number and I tell myself its so close, I should just get right back on the program and I'll reach it. And then it happens all over again. Does anyone have any advice on this? The thing is, its not even like I have cravings anymore like the first several months of my weight loss. I'm also not hungry when I do these binges. Almost every single time, they come on from eating more than my calorie count and just thinking about how I failed and how I hate how much I put into thinking about what to eat just to fail at it. I also feel so shitty and scared every single time I see the scale go up a pound, because my family is so wrapped up in weight (several of my family members are overweight and...unhappy. They comment on my weight loss constantly, and even though they do so positively it makes me so sad because I just feel pressured. I'm uncomfortable and almost always avoid the topic, but the comments keep coming every single day. Now that I'm back from school its harder to avoid hearing about it. These comments also usually turn into self-hate, and I see these family members go on binges themselves. My little sister especially right now, so much so I'm more than a little worried, and I just don't know how to handle it).
I'm sorry this turned into somewhat of a rant, I've just had basically no one I could talk to about this and after today I just felt like I needed to get it all out. Again, does anyone have any advice on how I can manage this? Or even just their own stories that are relatable? I really like this thread because the community seems so close, so any comments are appreciated.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2WaC8Q9
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