Hi everyone. This is my first post here, but I've been frequenting this sub for a few years.
I'm posting today because I'm at a complete loss. I'm having a hard time staying motivated. I'm not very good at compiling my thoughts, so hopefully this doesn't end up all over the place. I'm sorry for the long post.
I weighed 208 pounds when I was 14 years old. I was heavily picked on at school, and at home by my mother, who used to call me endless names, including fat-ass and whale before I was even a teenager. I've been yo-yo dieting, going up and down, for the last twelve years. I'm not sure I've ever been happy, or ever had a positive thought about myself.
In the last 18 months I've managed to lose 90 pounds. I've definitely had some ups and downs. About 10 months in I had a traumatic experience (my own fault) and gained back 30 pounds of what I'd lost at the time, which really set me back. But here I am, down 90 pounds. about 60 left to go to be at a relatively healthy weight for my height.
My boyfriend is very encouraging to me. He tries his best to keep me motivated and is constantly telling me I'm beautiful and how proud he is. I love him so much, but I have an impossible time taking this to heart. I don't think once throughout this process /I/ have said to myself "I'm proud of you". The truth is I'm NOT proud of myself. I still feel absolutely disgusting, and I hate myself. I am not happy with what I've lost. I need to lose much more and every small setback sends me into an even deeper depression. Mentally I feel completely checked out. I feel like I barely exist anymore.
Recently I saw 208.0 on the scale which felt crazy to me, because I was now the same weight I weighed twelve years ago. But 4 days later, for absolutely no reason, the scale read 209.8. I hadn't gone over my calories. I had been doing my treadmilling. This ruined my weekend, and my poor boyfriend's. Because I spent most of my time crying and being angry.
This makes me feel like an absolute garbage human. And I don't know how to deal with it. I'm here looking for tactics on how to.. I'm not even sure of the right words.. control my depression and anger when the scale fluctuates for no apparent reason? How do you guys deal with it? How do you stay motivated, even through what feels like devastating setbacks?
I love this sub, but also sometimes when I come on here I feel like a loser. I see people losing the same amount of weight as me in half the time, and I feel like a failure. How can I combat this?
I'm sorry if this isn't the appropriate sub for these thoughts and feelings. I'm definitely nervous posting.. Thank you to everyone who read through my jumbled thoughts, I appreciate it.
I wish everybody well on their weight loss journeys.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2MayKjM
No comments:
Post a Comment