[Day 1] I am at the worst place I've been since I left home.

Hello!

I'm a 30 year old female, 3-- wait, let me step on the scale.... 364 lbs (that's less than I though) and 5'5".

I feel utterly trapped in my life. My husband lost his job and is now refusing to work or even talk about it, which you might already know if you read my post from like a week ago, and weight loss feels like my only route to getting a job so I can support us.

This week I'm starting keto again, and my small goals are to eat keto as cheaply as I can within my deficit, and call various people and try to get assistance. Food stamps, job fairs, hustle hustle I guess. I've been on and off keto for 6 or so years so I know what I must do, it's just doing it. (I lost 50lbs on it in 2015)

Quitting soda is going to be the biggest struggle. It has been my coping mechanism for stress for a long time now. It started with my parent's divorce, when I went from being 1 of 4 to the only child living with my mother. She had left my dad for a tow truck driver/locksmith and he refused to leave her alone so she always had to go with him on calls when she wasn't working (he was an abusive jerk with control issues) so I spent a lot of time by myself. Mostly I didn't mind.

The thing that I looked forward to ALL DAY at school was coming home to the empty apartment and sitting down in front of the t.v. to watch Pokemon with my homework and a can of soda and no one around to bother me. I was only allowed to have one a day, and it was a comforting treat.

Well, now I'm an adult and I have discovered I drink soda when I'm stressed because it's comforting. But it's terrible and my teeth are suffering.

I'm not looking for a replacement drink, I actually like cold water a lot. I don't like lemon water, lime water, seltzer water and the like. I guess I need to find a replacement comfort.

Well, today's the first day. Wish me luck.

submitted by /u/Lady-Mythril
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