This is my first time posting. I have been reading a lot of posts and lovely comments in this subreddit and they inspired me so much! However, I need your help. I can't do this alone anymore and right now, I don't know what to do and where to start.
I have been overweight almost my entire life (now 34F| CW114kg/251lbs) and have been dieting on and off for years during high school, college and afterwards. A few years ago, I got therapy, because my eating became even more obsessive and had a lot to do with not handling emotions well. Therapy helped a bit, but I didn't lose any weight and after therapy my eating became just as disordered as before. I tried OA, but that made matters even worse: I tried a strict food plan, going to meetings, having a sponsor, but after my initial weight loss of around 5 kgs (11lbs) in 6 weeks, I just couldn't do it anymore. It was so dogmatic and made me feel so little and stupid and sad and insecure all the time. That was last February and since then, I've gained everything back + more: I gained almost 12 kgs (26lbs) since February and my eating has been out of control these last few months. What certainly didn't help, was a lot of family-drama, the kind that started my whole eating misery as a child to begin with. The problem is: everytime I start to track my calorie intake, I become completely obsessed and crazy about is within a matter of days, which always results in overeating. I have tried everything: WW, low carb, a horrible juice fast, shakes and a number of other shady diets. The only thing that makes me feel good physically is IF: I have been doing that on and off for a few weeks now (16:8), but somehow, within my window I still overeat, resulting in binges sometimes, because I seem to be afraid of being hungry. I do love healthy food, but I eat a lot of junk, because I always want to 'start tomorrow'... Writing this makes me even feel more stupid, but I feel it's good to get this out of my head.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to have a pity party here and I know that I have to change something in order to change my relationshop with eating. I WANT to change. But somehow, I just lost any idea how to do it: therapists said that I can never diet again, OA said there plan wasn't a diet but it really, really was a very strict one and it made everything worse, but not dieting makes me eat junk a lot of the time. I want this to stop. I want my obsession with food and eating to stop. I want to be healthier. I want to be kind to myself and not to be angry all the time because of my eating, or not eating, healthy, or not healthy, or even thinking about eating...
On a positive note: I started running four weeks ago and started very, very slowly. I have made myself a schedule to run 5K in March, in a match with my students (I am a teacher). I run three times a week (30 minutes of walking and a bit of running) and I try to go to the gym for 30 minutes of strenght twice a week after running. I love it: it makes me feel good, and proud of myself, but I feel the bad eating makes me feel less energized than I want to.
Right now, I feel like a have to make 'The Plan' again: track my calories and be strict, and this time it work, et cetera... but I don't trust myself anymore around 'Plans' or food. Something in my mind made me write this post first. So please, give me advice! What do you think I should or shouldn't do to break my obsessive cycle?
Thank you for reading this. Love and good luck to all of you!
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34slc7o
No comments:
Post a Comment