I met a couple of girlfriends the other night for drinks. We were chatting about whatever, and I mentioned something about having lost weight recently. Since I last saw them, I had gained probably 3 or 4 kilos, then lost 6. At my heaviest I was borderline obese, I'm now halfway in the overweight category. I have lost weight using cico and some IF, and not being hugely strict, cheat days at weekends usually. Healthy eating, cut down on alcohol and no processed food. I didn't tell these friends about fasting, I just said I ate healthier and watched what I ate and cut back on alcohol.
Earlier that night, we had pizza and I didn't say anything about not being able to have it, I just ate it and we were drinking wine all night.
So when I mentioned weight loss they totally lost it. They told me this was so wrong that I thought I needed to lose weight, I should love myself, I'd be hot no matter what size, I should accept myself and I was crazy to think I was ever overweight. I'm still overweight. I was borderline obese and I was miserable then and hated my body. Now after losing nearly half the weight, I'm pretty happy. I feel pretty confident in my skin but I want to lose more to get rid of the flab, and my back rolls. But I'm starting to wear nicer clothes again and feel attractive. I told them I'm not depriving myself, I don't hate myself, and I think I look good but I know where I want to be. I've been slimmer before and it was better. I also want to be healthier. This isn't a confidence thing. I want to be healthier, to cut my risks of diseases and my risks to do with starting a family. If there is even a tiny excess risk of having a baby that hasn't had the best start in life that I can give it, then I would feel like a total piece of shit.
They howled at me that that's so wrong, there's nothing wrong with my size, I should love myself. The fuck! I said I do love myself but I'm so much happier now that I'm slimmer. By the way, these girls are both considerably smaller than me. They have great figures and are also a few years older than me. (I'm in my 30s)
I argued and argued, and said stuff like I'm fine now and not really trying to lose more just eating healthy (a lie to shut them up, I do want to lose more but I am eating healthy). I said I never restrict my food much or go hungry (true) and that the main thing that I've done is improve my diet and decrease alcohol consumption.
They would not listen. I argued at the time and eventually gave up and said my main reason for weight loss was health and potential pregnancy. They wouldn't accept that there is a health issue because they said BMI is bullshit anyway because body builders would count as obese - I said yeah, I'm not a body builder. I'm exactly the person who it does apply to. They sort of accepted the pregnancy thing, and then let it go.
But I'm so angry. I keep thinking about it and I feel absolutely fucking angry that body positivity was shouted over me, and I was not allowed to feel good about my weight loss. I can't believe that my friends insisted on me staying fat and feeling good about myself instead of me feeling better about myself as I lose weight safely and slowly.
Why do I have to be fat and body positive when they get to be slim? It's not my genes that made me big, it's eating like a monster for the last 3 years.
I have been unhappy with my size for a while now. I'm the biggest of my friends, and I am the most compulsive ester and foodie, and it's getting a grip on my eating that is helping me. I'm on my way and feeling confident now but I have a good bit of fat and belly, but I'm not unhappy with myself, I don't see my belly fat and thigh fat and back rolls as some part of who I am, they are excess body fat, and I can part with them without hating myself.
That's my rant. Thank you for listening!!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3eJZErB
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