I've struggled with weight my whole life, at least every moment I can remember. I have been able to lose a lot of weight multiple times, losing 150lbs twice so far, but of course it always comes back. Every time I had learnings, I legitimately think I could keep it off if I ever dip into a normal territory again.
The issue is getting there... I am always hungry, never satisfied. It does not matter whether I get into Keto, follow IF, absolutely try to overfill myself with psyllium husks, eat in the morning, eat 10 meals, eat 1 meal, eat 3 meals, nothing matters, because at the end of the day I will never feel not hungry, I do not know what it feels like to not be hungry. Keto and IF probably come closest for feelings of "I do not need to eat", but something always breaks, and then there is a backlash that undos whatever was achieved and deals even more damage. I hate food, I don't like the taste, shit is expensive, cooking fucking sucks, takeout sucks, I just fucking hate myself and am seriously at the end of my patience. Last year I planned to get a gastric bypass surgery since I think my stomach is just literally too fucking big to feel full, but at the very last stage, stupid backwards laws of the country I lived forced me to cancel, and I have been an emotional mess, even more than usual, ever since. Nothing I try ever works, I give things long, honest tries, too. I did IF for about half a year, working up to 5 day water fasts every couple weeks, but no weight loss, of course not because when I was allowed to feed there was nothing stopping me. I stopped drinking alcohol, that's part of my latest efforts, I figured it made me more susceptible to eating and I identified it as a lead cause of breaking out of a regime. Well it's been almost 3 months and all the calories and money that went into alcohol just go into more food because I am as ravagous as ever. I overspent so much money, I am going to ruin myself, I am ruining myself. I hate myself. I don't think I am allowed to be healthy or happy.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2BH2dgJ
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