Is anybody else struggling to order clothes in a smaller size, even though you have lost weight?

I am 26/F SW: 180lb CW: 148lb GW: 135lb

My entire adult life I have always fluctuated between 160-180 lbs. I would go through phases of diet and exercise where I would lose weight to get to 160lbs, only to gain all or some of it back. I never bought new clothes for weight loss and have worn consistently the same size clothes for the past 8 years. My clothes always fit at 180lbs but were more flattering on me at 160lbs.

Fast forward to this year. I started a weight loss kick (again) in January when I weighed in at 180 lbs. I lost about 15 pounds by the start of March. Normally, this is when my work gets busy and I start reverting to old habits. I don’t feel I have time to go to the gym and I start eating unhealthy as well. However, due to quarantine, my work did not get busier, and like many of you, I started working from home.

Working from home and being quarantined really helped continue my weight loss. My fiancé is an avid runner and over quarantine I started running with him in the mornings. We were not going out to eat and got really into cooking healthy meals at home. From March-June I managed to lose another 17 pounds which put me at my lowest weight ever. The last time I remember having any number in the 140’s was in the 8th grade.

Also in mid-June, things in my area starting opening up again. Specifically coed recreational sports. My fiancé and I met playing slow pitch softball and spend a lot of our weekends playing tournaments. One of the teams we play on was wanting to order new uniforms and asked us our sizes. I have always been a size medium in these jerseys but they do run big. I remembered the current medium I owned being a little loose but I decided to order a medium anyways.

This past weekend we had the opportunity to play in a tournament in the new uniforms. I showed up and put on the jersey top and was swimming in it. It was definitely too large for me. While I got comments on my weight loss, I mostly got asked why I didn’t order the jersey in smaller size.

I still can’t wrap my head around ordering anything in a size small, even something that runs big. If I were asked to order the same thing again, I would still probably order a medium out of fear of general fear of being consider a size small (I know this should make me happy but it doesn’t) and potentially gaining the weight back. This also promoted me to try on work clothes since I haven’t worn them since March. All the shirts still fit, but the pants were pretty baggy. I had to put on a belt to keep them from falling down. However, in my mind, that meant they still fit and I do not need to order new clothes (I am expected to return to work in August). I would probably be more comfortable in a smaller size but ordering clothes in a smaller size terrifies me.

Does anyone else mentally struggle with ordering clothes in a smaller size. Do you combat the fear of gaining weight again?

TL;DR - I lost weight during quarantine and some clothes are too big, but I am terrified of ordering clothes in a smaller size

submitted by /u/jojobananas23
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