26F/ 5’3.5/ SW: 216-219/ GW: 125-140 (undecided)/ CW: 210
I’ve been trying to lose weight for years. Last year I was seeing a personal trainer, eating a 1200-1500 diet, weight training, and running. I was losing weight, but my friends were starting to get really annoying about it. (I should probably note that all the friends I mention here are guys my age of various body types from very athletic to obese, and I am a female who has been obese since before I met any of them. My female friends have never judged my weight loss habits).
On one hand I had a few friends who were not trying to lose weight, but were trying to eat healthier. We would motivate each other by tracking how many days in a row we had stuck to our eating plans. They would always complain that I didn’t have a real diet because I was just tracking my calories and protein but not cutting anything (like sugar). So I would save calories for ice cream and it would be my 5th day sticking to my calorie limit and they would complain that ice cream isn’t healthy so the streak shouldn’t count.
On the other hand the rest of my friends were not watching their eating at all. Every time they saw me take out my phone to track calories, or wonder aloud how many calories were in an unlabeled item they would complain. They would tell me I should be eating intuitively. If I ate a snack they would jokingly go “but think of the calories!” and then when I explained that I had enough calories for a snack they would just go back to the intuitive eating argument. These conversations were happening every day, it was getting super repetitive.
Overall I lost about 15 lbs but by the Winter I stopped counting calories, working out, or running and then gained it all back.
This year things have been different. No personal trainer, I’m still running though and most days I have a 1500 calorie limit which is what my doctor suggested I start with. I’ve also begun tracking even when I go over my limit or binge. This time things seem smoother. I’m not binging, and when I go over my limit it’s a decision, not me losing control. In the last month there have only been 4 days where I haven’t been at a calorie deficit and those were all by choice. I’ve also noticed that this year these same friends all seem supportive!
When I mention calories or take out my phone to track they don’t bat an eye, when I eat a snack they don’t comment. Once they were passing around some Oreos and asked if I wanted one. I stared at it for a while trying to decide if it was worth it. One of my friends asked what was wrong “do you not want it, or do you just not know if you should have it?” And I said he was right the second time but that I’d just have one. And the conversation ended there, no lecture, no intuitive eating plug, just moved on. On the 4th of July I even whipped out a food scale to weigh the burgers someone had made (1/2 a pound!) and no one complained. They just marveled with me about how huge the burgers were. This weekend I asked them if they wanted to eat a cauliflower pizza (mixed in with the regular pizzas) and everyone tried a slice and no one made me feel bad about having both a cauliflower slice and a regular pizza slice. Overall they seem more tolerant of my eating, more supportive of my running (they’ve never had a problem with it— one of them is a very good runner, it just feels like more of them ask about my running and show interest in joining me for post-COVID races or at least the post-race celebrations), just in general they have not been a source of stress this year.
I don’t know why their attitudes have changed. My hope is that it’s because what I’m doing now is less extreme and more sustainable. I don’t feel as stressed about food and maybe they recognize that? Im eating mostly the same food that they eat, just less, but when I bring healthy snacks to share they are happy to eat that too. It feels so nice to be able to eat however I want around them without the judgement. Hopefully that will be part of my key to long term success.
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