Repeat after me: Your journey is your own.

WARNING: this is a whole lot to read

I’m new on this app, so forgive me if I don’t follow the correct posting protocol or whatever.

I’m an 18F 5’5 SW: 84kg/185lbs CW:74kg/164lbs GW:60kg/130lbs.

I started my journey in February , it was exactly what I needed at the time. I had a borderline food addiction and BED, sad, anxiety ridden, failing and barely going to my classes at school.

I was at a reallll low; with little self esteem & confidence - I had nothing to lose by getting a damn gym membership and dragging my ass to achieve at least one thing so I could feel good about myself, even temporarily.

Growing up I’d always been weight conscious and remember being maybe 7 and looking down at my stomach wondering why I was so fat (I wasn’t), this carried onto my early teenage years, I didn’t think I was beautiful or enough so I looked for other factors to validate myself. I excelled in school and tried my hardest to ‘keep my weight in check’. This worked for a long while until the issues about myself that I hadn’t dealt with started to creep up on me again in other forms of life struggles and with that came the emotional eating and my worst fear - being fat.

So I’m 7 months in at this point, having lost (what it seems like to me) ‘only’ a little over 20lbs. I did it in silence, and shall continue to.I feel different, but I’m not entirely sure I look any different. My self esteem and anxiety is a lot better now FOR SURE. But I just can’t help but feel like it’s not enough. I guess a small part of me is worried that perhaps I’ll never reach my goal and that I’m wasting my time.

I have a sister who has been on her own weight loss journey for on and off 2 years l and is now approaching her GW with pretty much no exercise and eating really low calories hence the rate of her weight loss is therefore faster. She also (consciously or not) requires a lot of outside affirmation and validation to feel good about herself i.e telling me about every pound lost for a cheer , which I’m fine with from time to time but everytime? I’m exhausted.

She’s also the same person who made slick comments from time to time about the weight I had gained or even now just general weight related comparisons between me and her.

On the plus side, this has led me to be someone who tries to be mindful of the things I say to people and how it could make them feel.

It’s exhausting really, especially whilst experiencing your own struggles.

I say all this to say (mainly to myself) that this your life now, being active, productive, healthy, in constant improvement. This IS you now, you’re undoing years negative self talk and growing into the person you want to be. Run your own race and stop looking into others. Exceed in your own life and know that this can only be done in the absence of comparison.

It’s hard though and one can only try.

Sorry if I sound crazy, but these are just some thoughts blurted onto a page.

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