In January, I hit my highest weight of 175 lbs at 5’6. As I gained weight, I didn’t really notice my body was changing, but I’d increasingly get upset and frustrated in fitting rooms and even when trying to take pictures of my face. I didn’t really pay attention to my weight or understand that these changes were the result of going from 145 throughout high school to 175 in my first year of college.
In February, I officially started my weight loss journey after losing the 1st 10 lbs without trying at the end of the holiday season. I wasn’t eating an insane amount of food after the holidays and my birthday were over, so the weight fell off without me trying. Then I was at 165 and began my weight loss journey in earnest.
By the beginning of September, I was down to 139 lbs. I think I lost weight in a very healthy way, eating between 1200 on sedentary days and 1600 on more active days. My usual goal calorie intake was about 1340 per day.
Then I came back to school. I’ve been hanging out with my boyfriend all the time, maybe 5 days a week, and we eat like shit whenever we’re together. I drink at least 8oz of vodka if we’re hanging out, we gorge on dining hall food, smoke weed, and get takeout. I’ve probably been eating about 3000+ calories a day.
This past weekend, my parents have come up to school and I’ve been eating so much with them because they’re taking me out for really nice meals. I’m enjoying myself and not restricting because I’ve done a lot of damage already, but I’ve decided that after today when they leave I’m getting back on the weight loss express.
I’ve managed my weight in school so far because I eat so far past the point of fullness with my boyfriend that when he leaves I won’t eat the next day or maybe I’ll only have a snack and I won’t get hungry because I ate so much the previous day. I think this habit I’ve developed has cemented the cycle of overeating because then when I see him again, I’m ready to gorge myself.
This binging cycle makes me feel really bad about myself and I want to regain control over my health, my spending on food, and my life.
I’ve decided that tonight I’m going to begin my workout regimen again (It’s not very intense, just like 15 mins of cardio and then a bunch of strength exercises for toning and muscle). Tomorrow, I’m going back to my calorie limit of 1340/day. If I want to have a cheat day, it can be below maintenance (1670 on a sedentary day). I’m not starting off with a limit of 1200 because I think that makes binging too tempting, and in school, it’s so easy to binge.
Sorry if this is too long or rambling. I’d love to hear any advice or similar experiences you guys have had. Loseit was my original inspiration for this weight loss, and it’s where I learned that weight loss is possible.
I’m scared to step on the scale, so I think I’m going to eat well for a week or so before I step on the scale and see the damage I’ve done. Before I started these binge cycles, I was weighing myself daily and it was a source of motivation for me. I just don’t want to step on and scare myself by seeing my weight at a point that it took me months to get away from.
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