I feel like an utter and complete fraud in my weight loss goals because I know that I’m forcing behaviors (and have been for years) when I lose weight. The sad fact of the matter is, I don’t have a skinny mindset, and those who do are essentially superior. I long for days where I value healthy food over trash and exercise over dinners out. Instead I’m a human vacuum cleaner. I’m fortunate that I am able to maintain a highish healthy BMI (22) but the last time I got down to a BMI of 19 I just felt fake. I felt like people knew I wasn’t enjoying myself and that all of the “skinny” habits I was forcing were a lie. Even now I’m getting back to my goals in uncouth ways (caffeine and epinephrine in particular) that are obviously forced because I have a bottomless pit for a stomach.
And what hurts is that I know I could stay at my current weight or lose weight and be fine but I can’t fundamentally change my personality into the intelligent, fit, healthy, skinny person who is filled with discipline. I am addicted to trash, and high calorie foods and condiments and lazing out on my gym days. I will always be a fraud. And I will hate every day for the rest of my life trying to prove I’m not.... when do you just give up and accept the world will always see you as the curvy, soft, undisciplined glutton who only cares about indulging themselves?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3p8WO5Z
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