It was back in 2016 when I realized my life had gotten out of control. My best friend had started hooking up with someone who had previously turned me down, which hurt but was also understandable. I wasn't a terribly good catch psychologically or physically.
I adopted the mantra "eat like an adult". Would a healthy and well-adjusted adult pound back a large slurpie and a full bag of chips every night? Of course not! It was a great weight loss tool, but also extended to every facet of my life. Would a healthy and well-adjusted adult play video games every evening? Never go out and exercise? Socialize primarily on reddit? No, no, no. It was a great way to remind myself of what a good life looks and feels like. I started by going for walks in the evenings, which slowly progressed to runs. I went over to my friends places instead of playing online games, at first by bus and then by bike. Eventually I got the confidence to use my university gym. After the first year I had dropped from 281 lbs to 215lbs and ran a half marathon. I found myself enjoying life, laughing, and becoming closer with all of my friends. Not just from more time spent together, but also from the better outlook on life and positivity we could now share together.
By the second year I had passed my ultimate goal of 180 lbs, and hit my lowest weight of 175 lbs. I ran my first full marathon, and it was an absolute blast! I made friends along the run, and discovered the incredible feeling of knowing what my body is capable of. I had graduated from biceps curl to running my first powerlifting routine, 5/3/1, and the whole atmosphere was incredible. Pushing myself, seeing objective results, feeling the rush every time I stepped out on to a trail or into a gym.
Eventually the novelty of it sort of... wore off. I slowly gained back up to 190 lbs, and have maintained there for the last year and a half. I've told myself that I still look good, that I gained weight to help with powerlifting, but the truth is I know I can do better for myself. I've gained weight because I've fallen back in to old habits, I've gone adrift from where I started and lost some of the good habits I built. I promise myself I'll get things straight on Monday, then on Tuesday I'll down a large pizza. I still powerlift, I still participate in endurance sports, I absolutely love the new hobbies I've picked up over the years... But I also love to eat, and to overeat. It's a vice that I still struggle with to this day.
Here are the progress pictures of my journey: https://i.redd.it/ris32vlvjrl51.png
I know I look fine. I've been told that, I can see it in myself, my problem is not body dysmorphia. It's that I know I can do so much better. I've seen the positive habits I used to have, I know how happy they made me, and I've seen for the last year and a half how I've let them slip away. So today I've made a commitment to myself to start eating like an adult again. I'm not going to buy that 4L tub of ice cream. I'm not going to make myself cookie dough for a snack. I'm going to live the life I know will make me happy instead. I hope this resonates with someone <3
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